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01/9/25   
Breaking down barriers like a drunken Mario Andretti

Boris is Spider

bio/email
March 27, 2006
Hello reading you. Boris being here to tell you exciting story of adventures and foods does Boris eat. Yes yes yes, is event of year, true.

Boris enjoys time in New Olean, magic place of spicing things. All things here is spicing, food so hot does burn Boris bottom hole. Even water is spicing, special brown water does come in tiny cup for Thumbelina! So spicing for Boris, but magic fun.

Big new! Boris does find spider which is great thing is because so Boris can sing "BORIS IS SPIDER!" song to spider Boris does find. Is clear? Yes. Boris does find spider on bricks wall that is alone because building does go somewheres else. Spider is here, like: Here I am climbing building, and now is just wall. What is this? So Boris will take him in pocket to many places of tour!

Looking spider, there is busting sewerge line thing that does shoot funny smell water high in air like olden faithful thing. And over there, there is house that is now house for shrimp boat does fall out of sky. Look—you are not looking, spider! Don't not worry, Boris will get for you spider snacks after tour is over, but now must pays attention to all destroying crap on Boris tour of this magics place.

This, spider, is building which inside is car magnet, attracting all cars from neighborhood and now buildings is like Christmas tree with car hornaments. Yay for Christmas!

Is timing to hide, spider! Here is coming team from "Hide and Seek for Boris" game! Boris doesn't not like this game so much, but team does love too much to quit. Shhhh. No spider squeaking.

Boris spider does love Boris spider snacks. Like crumb from donut—favorite spider food. And to swims in coffee, another favorite spider thing. Spider also does love to go for ride on baseball Boris does find floating in street. Is like spider car with not seat belts.

Sad thing though is that Boris spider does sleepwalks during nighttimes. So dangerous to wander aways and be stepped on by street moose or team from "Hide and Go Boris." So, for safe thing Boris must tie Spider to shoe with fishes line at nights. Is hard, yes, but spider is thanking Boris with bodies language.

Funny part is persons on street does think Boris crazy nuts who talking to self, because for them not to see Boris is really talking to spider. Silly not looking in Boris pocket persons!

For real, this is best thing happen to Boris in forever long time. Little spider friend does make all things good times. Yay for spider!

And of course Boris does love th—oh shits, Boris does step on spider. Is end of stories. Goodnight.


Quote of the Day
“Fortune is a fickle bitch. No, wait… I'm thinking of my wife. That's right, my wife's the fickle bitch. Fortune is some transcendentalist concept.”

-Martoon Romeo
Fortune 500 Cookie
Quick, put these shoes on—walk around in them to get comfortable, if you need to. This week, fasten your seatbelt for the ride of your life. Straight over the goddamn cliff and everything. Sure, when you say a dog talks to you, everybody believes you, but make it a rhesus monkey and all of a sudden you're "crazy." Now here's Trip with the sports.


Try again later.
Top 5 Worst Zen Koans
1.What is the sound of two dogs fucking?
2.If a tree falls in the woods, doesn't it kill a shitload of ants?
3.Say, what's the meaning of life?
4.Worms have no eyebrows—think about that for a minute
5.(tie) Where's the beef?/Shut the fuck up
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