Sentence

by Violet Tiara

November 7, 2005

Gonads like nomads
of the lowlands in snowpants
eat Rolaids with barmaids,
says no man to snowman
and icicles ride bicycles
as rice pickles sing Don Rickles
and yellow bellows forth
from the fourth
porch painted by Enid
and Crosby
and Mick
who, sick in the dick
let his boiling brain simmer
and slimmer and dimmer
than
bromides of Apartheid
the Easter beast
parted ways with the
started phase with the
carted maize with the
Injuns and minions of
the party of artists
who smarting from the start is
Teddy and Betty and Anus and Morgan

and Cajuns of rice paper
paging the nice pauper
from a box on his hip
and the locks on the tip
of his hair in the air
was a sound like forgotten
dreams packed in cotton
and the angels stung
like jellyfish
and I wish
I could wrap them in plastic
and rings like elastic
would stretch as my fingers grew
and shrink when I think of you
and I personally
internationally
knew the few faces
worth facing
first basting piles of pinwheels
and miles of tin seals
barked parking instructions
and levers with suction
pulled the devil's dead function
as I grazed on glass castings
of feet that in passing
looked neat and long-lasting
until gas made me fast sleep.

Quote of the Day

“Speak when you are angry and you'll make the best speech you will ever regret. Speak when you are extremely angry and you'll really regret itâ€”all stuttering and shit, like Porky Pig. And they'll just make fun of you. I know I would.”

-Ambruce Fierce

Fortune 500 Cookie

Stick it where the sun don't shineâ€”that's the only way you'll be sure it glows in the dark. Does this look like medium rare to you? Take it back or there goes your tip. If you could ask God one question, don't make it, "Who farted?" Take a self-time out this week, but don't just waste it by yourself; extract the time itself from the timeline, so you can put it back wherever you want. Lucky legends this week: Sasquatch, the Jersey Devil, Abominable Snowman, and other Bigfoot rip-offs.

Try again later.

Top Pants-Missing Explanations

1.	Busted out Hulk-style
2.	Told one lie too many
3.	Busted out Louie Anderson-style
4.	What, aren't you hot?
5.	Talked out of them by gay Casanova
6.	Made ass look big
7.	Donated to killer mandroid from future
8.	Realized parachute pants went out of style in 1986
9.	Sat in ham
10.	You kidding? Pants are so 2002

The Sissy
If you call me a prick do I not cry? Bully, thine mouth offends me fuck it Was it not me who kept secret your smoking your out of class without a pass you hi-jinks and ne'er-do-wells? I reach out my hand and you turn it back to smack my own cheeks... (9/26/05)

Your Ass is Grass and I'm the Lawnmower
Your ass is grass and I'm the lawnmower You're slower than Noah with his Ark overflowin' And I'm fast like the gas you passed when you harassed my nose last. You've got mast ass you butt pirate I know you desire it so don't pretend you're not... (9/5/05)

Menu
Tonsils so docile you can eat them like dumplings dumping your tummy on a rumpled green tongue. Stews you can use to lose the blues if you choose or just deliver the news that Stu is here, too. Feet of a stork that look like a cooked... (7/4/05)