Self-Fornicated

by Martha Vandella

May 30, 2005

Kiss me, you beast with the golden toes
the arches of your eyebrows like a broken McDonald's sign
the smacky wetness of your lips like the maw
of a paint-stained flower (love me, Venus Flytrap)

Absorb me
swallow me whole
crush my bones with teeth
chewing me like Laffy Taffy

I am whole once again
your are a hole, once again
I fall into you
never hitting bottom

I am a bowel movement
squeezing from your rectum
into the big porcelain void that is you
out of you (into you again)

My heart is like a snake eating itself
or a penis tucked into its owner's butthole
like the disgusting imagery in a Museum of the Grody
and I am the custodian

I am you
you are me
neither of us are welcome
at Open Mic Night anymore

Quote of the Day

“Even the smallest man among us can accomplish truly great things. And when it's over, it takes less beer for him to get drunk. That is truly great.”

-Leonard Rutland, Professional Drinking Fisherman

Fortune 500 Cookie

What are you keeping that scab for? Throw that thing away already, for Christ's sake. Too many cooks spoil the broth, and so does putting sun-dried mayonnaise in it. Remember when dad told you you'd one day do something great? You will this weekâ€”remember he said that, that is.

Try again later.

How Gay is Our Dance Instructor?

1.	Flaming
2.	Scorching
3.	Richard Simmons Riding a Pink Giraffe
4.	Alphabetizes Trading Spaces Tape Collection
5.	Pretty Darn Gay

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