Self-Fornicated

by Martha Vandella

May 30, 2005

Kiss me, you beast with the golden toes
the arches of your eyebrows like a broken McDonald's sign
the smacky wetness of your lips like the maw
of a paint-stained flower (love me, Venus Flytrap)

Absorb me
swallow me whole
crush my bones with teeth
chewing me like Laffy Taffy

I am whole once again
your are a hole, once again
I fall into you
never hitting bottom

I am a bowel movement
squeezing from your rectum
into the big porcelain void that is you
out of you (into you again)

My heart is like a snake eating itself
or a penis tucked into its owner's butthole
like the disgusting imagery in a Museum of the Grody
and I am the custodian

I am you
you are me
neither of us are welcome
at Open Mic Night anymore

Quote of the Day

“They say you are what you eat, which is precisely why I ate fine young Bernard. Though I regret to report that I feel largely unchanged, except for the part about being in prison and having a permanent case of indigestion.”

-Percy "The Cannibal" Dandridge

Fortune 500 Cookie

Nobody knows the trouble you've seen, and you'll keep it that way if you know what's good for ya, bub. Try mixing your unique brand of illiterate rage with random fits of giggling this week. People hate it when you bring your own records to be played on the jukeboxâ€”it's just a soda joint, asshole. This week's lucky piercings: throat, spleen, tear duct, tooth.

Try again later.

5 Ways to Spend Your $208 Million Lottery Jackpot

1.	Finance own album of you singing Broadway standards; pay people to buy it
2.	Invest heavily in million-dollar ducks
3.	Buy a car for everyone you know, something they could all fit in at once
4.	Spend 208 nights with Demi Moore
5.	Fund grassroots pro-President Bush campaigns

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