09/16/25
Like a game of Lonely, Lonely Hippos
|  Brandy is Dandyby Jay Salinas   May 9, 2005 Brandy is dandy
and wine is fine but liquor is quicker and vodka divine. Gin makes you sicker and slows down your ticker when you pull down your knickers so more freely to bicker. Thunderbird is a wonder, stirred and Night Train makes my veins strain to carry some of that good stuff to my heart. Bacardi? Sounds like a party, Marty best not to be tardy if you want any more than a sip. But far finer than beer is Everclear, the king of all the liquors. And when you wake you'll contemplate why your ass is packed with Snickers. And why a train in the Alps? Complain and with distain I shall mock thee. For to wake like such is really too much more than the finest hopes worth hoping. A sewer that's newer or a brewer reviewer's front lawn: now those are blackout locations. In a cage of bamboo in the hills of Peru, that's practically a vacation. In a birch bark canoe impaled on a pool cue, sure beats waking up on a space station. As a victim of kung-fu realizing you swallowed a kazoo, still beats the men's room of a gas station. All covered in glue sick with the Vietnamese flu, at least then you're free from temptation. On the campus of Screw U with a tattooed wazoo? At least you're getting an education. In the cartoon milieu with Yogi and Booboo, that, my friend, will earn you a standing ovation. But on the lamb with Pooh for murdering Kanga and Roo? Yeah, you could probably do better than that. Best to cut back on the Bacardi, sicko. Quote of the Day“It is a wise man who makes a career of providing quotes, for the dollar-to-word ratio is fantastic. Eat your heart out, novelists.”-Beenjammin Lynn-Frank Fortune 500 CookieYou! In the yellow shirt! You’re going to have an awful week. Move along now. This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, but your lifetime ban from the municipal aquarium still applies. Those repressed childhood memories you’ve been having about animal abuse and a shady-looking construction site? That was Donkey Kong. Try eating something with at least 17 letters in it this week: mailboxes and Alpha-Bits don’t count. Your lucky dong accessories: ornaments, jingle bells, argyle cock sock, festive wreath, racing stripe, spare donut.Try again later. Top Reasons for Honking
 My Love is Like an Orange My Love is Like an Orange, all shiny and orange and filled with a citrus burst to quench your lonely thirst. My love is not like porridge or storage or forage For my love is like an orange and… Bugger, nothing rhymes with orange.... (4/11/05) Blown by the Sun The night air like a cheese, perfumed with sea water A blocky, leaky, laggy cheese coating us all We the three of us tramp through Panama City Selling fake insurance policies for a dollar to The tourists The cops roust us here and there, upon... (4/4/05) Motherfucker Goose There was an old woman who lived in a shoe she had so many children she didn't even have to work I had to support them all because she's a liar Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone I porked the old crow ... (3/7/05)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.