02/12/26
Finally! A website that treats me like an automaton!
|  Brandy is Dandyby Jay Salinas   May 9, 2005 Brandy is dandy
and wine is fine but liquor is quicker and vodka divine. Gin makes you sicker and slows down your ticker when you pull down your knickers so more freely to bicker. Thunderbird is a wonder, stirred and Night Train makes my veins strain to carry some of that good stuff to my heart. Bacardi? Sounds like a party, Marty best not to be tardy if you want any more than a sip. But far finer than beer is Everclear, the king of all the liquors. And when you wake you'll contemplate why your ass is packed with Snickers. And why a train in the Alps? Complain and with distain I shall mock thee. For to wake like such is really too much more than the finest hopes worth hoping. A sewer that's newer or a brewer reviewer's front lawn: now those are blackout locations. In a cage of bamboo in the hills of Peru, that's practically a vacation. In a birch bark canoe impaled on a pool cue, sure beats waking up on a space station. As a victim of kung-fu realizing you swallowed a kazoo, still beats the men's room of a gas station. All covered in glue sick with the Vietnamese flu, at least then you're free from temptation. On the campus of Screw U with a tattooed wazoo? At least you're getting an education. In the cartoon milieu with Yogi and Booboo, that, my friend, will earn you a standing ovation. But on the lamb with Pooh for murdering Kanga and Roo? Yeah, you could probably do better than that. Best to cut back on the Bacardi, sicko. Milestones1492: Christopher Columbus discovered America. Actually, it was Oct. 12, and it was really the Bahamas, so he discovered the Caribbean, and there were already lots of indigenous people there. All we know is the bank is closed today, so fuck the guy.Now HiringBuffalo Bill. We don't really have a lot of buffalo roaming around that need slaughtering or anything, but the copydesk tends to order large amounts of delivery buffalo wings and somebody has got to figure out who pays what when the guy shows up. Respond promptly, we hear a car out front.Least Popular |
| 1. | Fat kid re-enacting his favorite scenes from Citizen Kane |
| 2. | World of Warcraft online players expressing crippling loneliness they feel |
| 3. | Totally hot chick in skirt does routine car maintenance |
| 4. | Trailer for Julia Roberts' Mary Reilly 2 |
| 5. | Manson gets one side of Rubik's Cube all red |
My Love is Like an Orange
My Love is Like an Orange, all shiny and orange and filled with a citrus burst to quench your lonely thirst. My love is not like porridge or storage or forage For my love is like an orange and… Bugger, nothing rhymes with orange.... (4/11/05)
Blown by the Sun
The night air like a cheese, perfumed with sea water A blocky, leaky, laggy cheese coating us all We the three of us tramp through Panama City Selling fake insurance policies for a dollar to The tourists The cops roust us here and there, upon... (4/4/05)
Motherfucker Goose
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe she had so many children she didn't even have to work I had to support them all because she's a liar Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone I porked the old crow ... (3/7/05)
My Love is Like an Orange, all shiny and orange and filled with a citrus burst to quench your lonely thirst. My love is not like porridge or storage or forage For my love is like an orange and… Bugger, nothing rhymes with orange.... (4/11/05)
Blown by the Sun
The night air like a cheese, perfumed with sea water A blocky, leaky, laggy cheese coating us all We the three of us tramp through Panama City Selling fake insurance policies for a dollar to The tourists The cops roust us here and there, upon... (4/4/05)
Motherfucker Goose
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe she had so many children she didn't even have to work I had to support them all because she's a liar Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone I porked the old crow ... (3/7/05)
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.