Motherfucker Goose

by Richard Stooter

March 7, 2005

There was an old woman who
lived in a shoe
she had so many children
she didn't even have to work
I had to support them all
because she's a liar

Old Mother Hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get her poor dog a bone
I porked the old crow
but don't let my friends know
it was, like, 4 a.m.
and I hadn't been lucky all night

As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives
it's my friend, Gary, ol' G-Dawg
I'm not sure whose wives they all were

Little Bo Peep
has lost her sheep
so she smacks his ass
with her gigantic staff
until he learns his lesson
or the hour he paid for is up
the costume costs extra

Wee Willy Winky
shut-up, bitch, the hot tub was cold

There was a young guy named Dick
whose psychiatrist said he was sick
he suffers from permanent
arrested development
because his mother domineered
and his dad was quite queer
but at least he got a few poems out of all of it

Quote of the Day

“Get out of my way, you're crapping up my genius, dumbnuts.”

-Ayn Randy

Fortune 500 Cookie

All of those great things we said were going to happen to you last week? Yeah, sorry, we had you mixed up with your brother. You're fucked. Try parking your car at the far end of the lot and walking this week: everyone finds the way you jiggle when you walk highly amusing. Your friends and the packaging aren't lying: that's not toothpaste. Did you really think you were going to get away with naming your son Pringles? This week's lucky ass creams: Vaseline Intensive Hair, Ditch the Itch Ultra, Smooth Movers Hibiscus Scent, Baby's Ass in a Bottle, Johnson & Johnson No More Flaming Mass of Ground Hamburger Hemorrhoid Salve.

Try again later.

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