Motherfucker Goose

by Richard Stooter

March 7, 2005

There was an old woman who
lived in a shoe
she had so many children
she didn't even have to work
I had to support them all
because she's a liar

Old Mother Hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get her poor dog a bone
I porked the old crow
but don't let my friends know
it was, like, 4 a.m.
and I hadn't been lucky all night

As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives
it's my friend, Gary, ol' G-Dawg
I'm not sure whose wives they all were

Little Bo Peep
has lost her sheep
so she smacks his ass
with her gigantic staff
until he learns his lesson
or the hour he paid for is up
the costume costs extra

Wee Willy Winky
shut-up, bitch, the hot tub was cold

There was a young guy named Dick
whose psychiatrist said he was sick
he suffers from permanent
arrested development
because his mother domineered
and his dad was quite queer
but at least he got a few poems out of all of it

Quote of the Day

“Upon being stopped by the Customs Officer during my trip to America, he asked: 'Have you anything to declare?' I burst forward, telling him, 'Only my genius!' I was promptly beaten to a piteous pulp and subjected to a humiliating search. Needless to say, they found my weed.”

-Wildman Oscar Davies

Fortune 500 Cookie

By next week you will not believe what passes for a blowjob these days. Guess how many quarters I have in my left pocket and I will be quite surprised. I said don't cauliflower last week? I did? That doesn't sound like something I'd say. Remember, trust no one. Including me. If you believe that, you're a fool.

Try again later.

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2.	Really get your waiter's attention
3.	Confuse the hell out of C.S.I.
4.	Pick your friends and your nose
5.	Dip it in gold; make yourself an "I'm # 1" award

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