Motherfucker Goose

by Richard Stooter

March 7, 2005

There was an old woman who
lived in a shoe
she had so many children
she didn't even have to work
I had to support them all
because she's a liar

Old Mother Hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get her poor dog a bone
I porked the old crow
but don't let my friends know
it was, like, 4 a.m.
and I hadn't been lucky all night

As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives
it's my friend, Gary, ol' G-Dawg
I'm not sure whose wives they all were

Little Bo Peep
has lost her sheep
so she smacks his ass
with her gigantic staff
until he learns his lesson
or the hour he paid for is up
the costume costs extra

Wee Willy Winky
shut-up, bitch, the hot tub was cold

There was a young guy named Dick
whose psychiatrist said he was sick
he suffers from permanent
arrested development
because his mother domineered
and his dad was quite queer
but at least he got a few poems out of all of it

Milestones

1812: Some kind of war of note happened, probably involving some big shot historical guys. People waved their dicks around and shouted, most likely.

Now Hiring

Bitchin' Ninja. Ass-kicking ninja needed for sword-swallowing, punching through solid rock, hiding underwater for days at a time, providing tactical superiority over other online news-magazines, cosmetics consultations, brick-laying, snowboarding out of airplanes, cooking delicious soufflÃ©s, cowering foes with a steely glare, and taxidermy. Mystical world-view a plus.

Top 5 Bush Second-Term Pledges

1.	Encourage nations to work with us again, under threat of violence
2.	Pay national deficit with Discover and Visa cards
3.	Appeal to black constituents by finally selling off "Amos & Andy" videos
4.	Build new wing of America so rich people can vacation more
5.	Two, maybe even three more inaugurations

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I rode a horse on a winding path And saw before me, though I'm bad at math The path became two roads ahead One rocky and coarse, a bitch to tread The safer course, apparent to sight Was clean-cut and easy, a porridge "just right" With... (2/7/05)

The Road to Budokan
On the road to Budokan I met a man named Rama Dan. And Rama Dan had a dog named Frog, who hopped like the same. Frog also wore a green polystyrene suit, serving to make the resemblance more acute. Frog didn't know what a frog was or that... (1/31/05)