Quadrophonia

by Violet Tiara

February 28, 2005

Love is a many-splendored thing
with tentacles.

"Ding-dong, the witch has snacks,
that Rax hires blacks
and Jack hates jacks.
Which old witch?
Fool, how many witches you know?
Shiiiit."

Felt manacles felt fantastical
when I was bound
to the brownie hound
(a giant cartoon dog
with a love for fudge,
not my dirty neighbor who mooned the judge).

To judge the moon is to prune your doom,
its mood is construed as rude
by those who've measured its glows.

The hose grows a nose when I close
my eyes to a slit but peek a bit
and the world lies in blurs the size
of the space on my face
where the air escapes.

Seeping sleep hisses out of your pores
while little brother pisses on lists of chores
animal crackers crack under the weight
of a mailman waiting for Annabelle's date.

Joy, joy, the Christmas bear
flew into a rage and pulled out his hair,
Dancing Clancey's pants were fancy
enough that the cops took an interest in him
and made him down a fifth of gin
before they made him spin spin spin!

Like a sprinkler of vomit
a comet of bile
shot from poor Clancey's face-part while
the cops ran for cover
and Eldaway's mother
opened an umbrella just in time
and I ate a lime just to make it rhyme.

Quote of the Day

“Any man who serves as his own lawyer has a fool for a client. Because think about it, stupid, why you gonna pay some guy who didn't even go to law school? That's just dumb. And how do you pay yourself, anyway? Take your money out of one pocket and put it in the other? Silly. Or maybe you've got to hire a neutral third party to take the money and then hand it back to you, like a lawyer or somebody. Shit, this is gettin' expensive.”

-Dred Scott Drummond

Fortune 500 Cookie

You're simply the best, and that depresses us all. The next time you're on trial for murder, don't forget to mention that a Klondike bar was involved. And if you must ask for a lawyer who can get you off, at least try not to do it with that smarmy leer in your eye. Try chewing your food an odd number of times this week, like 6,372. This week's lucky injuries: hangnail, hangankle, ruptured spleen, stabitosis.

Try again later.

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1.	Honda Pfffttpp
2.	Chevy Crack Ho
3.	Chrysler on the Cross
4.	Ford Theater
5.	He Ain't Chevy He's My Brother

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