Popular Road

by Sampson L. Hartwig

February 7, 2005

I rode a horse on a winding path
And saw before me, though I'm bad at math
The path became two roads ahead
One rocky and coarse, a bitch to tread

The safer course, apparent to sight
Was clean-cut and easy, a porridge "just right"
With either path my choice to choose
I took the path less apt to bruise

Yes, I took the road well-traveled
And my seams kept sewn, my sweater stayed raveled
My shoes suffered no pain or remorse
Nor did my steedâ€”just ask my horse

Sure, it was crowded, and baked by the sun
And assholes surrounded by whole metric ton
Paved by cruelty and sadness and greed
And it smelled like someone had been toking weed

Maybe I got there two hours later
And missed the buffet of free steak and taters
But anything's better than being some jerk
Who brags about taking the path of more work

Quote of the Day

“The day destroys the night, the night divides the day, carry the four, times the weekend, round up from seven, and: Presto! 14. Not sure what that means, I'll get back to you next album.”

-Gin Orbison

Fortune 500 Cookie

Monkeys and live electrical wire are a bad combo for you this week. Try combing your hair with a rakeâ€”hey, maybe those jokers were right. You will quit smoking this week, and upgrade to the syringe. Don't take any shit from the crippled, elderly, or the extremely weak: pretty much anybody you can get your girlfriend to beat up. This week's lucky burritos: Refried Revenge, Chock-Full- O-Olives, The Grand Mal, Nuthin-But-Sour- Cream, El Sleeping Bag, Someone Beaned My Ass Tonight.

Try again later.

Top Pants-Missing Explanations

1.	Busted out Hulk-style
2.	Told one lie too many
3.	Busted out Louie Anderson-style
4.	What, aren't you hot?
5.	Talked out of them by gay Casanova
6.	Made ass look big
7.	Donated to killer mandroid from future
8.	Realized parachute pants went out of style in 1986
9.	Sat in ham
10.	You kidding? Pants are so 2002

The Road to Budokan
On the road to Budokan I met a man named Rama Dan. And Rama Dan had a dog named Frog, who hopped like the same. Frog also wore a green polystyrene suit, serving to make the resemblance more acute. Frog didn't know what a frog was or that... (1/31/05)

Drained Heart
My heart is empty like the keg on the porch Why, Denise, why? To drive home is ... (1/17/05)

Party Girl
Paris Hilton can kiss my ass, since when is that bitch the Head of the Class? That greasy skank's a Dennis who can't bring no menace. That's if she even knows what an ass is! Man, I've got an ass that surpasses, she barely even has one... (12/20/04)