Popular Road

by Sampson L. Hartwig

February 7, 2005

I rode a horse on a winding path
And saw before me, though I'm bad at math
The path became two roads ahead
One rocky and coarse, a bitch to tread

The safer course, apparent to sight
Was clean-cut and easy, a porridge "just right"
With either path my choice to choose
I took the path less apt to bruise

Yes, I took the road well-traveled
And my seams kept sewn, my sweater stayed raveled
My shoes suffered no pain or remorse
Nor did my steedâ€”just ask my horse

Sure, it was crowded, and baked by the sun
And assholes surrounded by whole metric ton
Paved by cruelty and sadness and greed
And it smelled like someone had been toking weed

Maybe I got there two hours later
And missed the buffet of free steak and taters
But anything's better than being some jerk
Who brags about taking the path of more work

Milestones

1996: Red Bagel fires entire commune staff during "Crazy Bagel's Everything Must Go Liquidation Madness" phase of the commune's August Sale-abration. Analysts praise Bagel for ridding his staff of junkies and losers, who he promptly replaces with the current batch of junkies and losers.

Now Hiring

Bloodhound. Needed to track down former commune staffer Smilin' Jack Costello, who disappeared in May, still owing $8 to the office petty cash fund. Smart dog needed who is not fooled by turbans or overly distracted by running foxes. Generous wages to be paid in beef kidneys.

Top Selling commune Paraphernalia

1.	the commune's Book on Tape: Everyone's favorite verbose classic War & Peace printed in tiny type on the non-sticky side of a roll of Scotch tap
2.	The "I Sued the commune for Libel and All I Got Was This Lousy Mug" Mug
3.	"Pin the Paternity Suit on Lil Duncan's Babydaddy" Home Game
4.	Boris Utzov Guide of English Slang
5.	Ivana Folger-Balzac. Please, somebody take Ivana Folger-Balzac.

The Road to Budokan
On the road to Budokan I met a man named Rama Dan. And Rama Dan had a dog named Frog, who hopped like the same. Frog also wore a green polystyrene suit, serving to make the resemblance more acute. Frog didn't know what a frog was or that... (1/31/05)

Drained Heart
My heart is empty like the keg on the porch Why, Denise, why? To drive home is ... (1/17/05)

Party Girl
Paris Hilton can kiss my ass, since when is that bitch the Head of the Class? That greasy skank's a Dennis who can't bring no menace. That's if she even knows what an ass is! Man, I've got an ass that surpasses, she barely even has one... (12/20/04)