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01/9/25   
The truth - we're full of it

The Road to Budokan

by Clarise Sickhead
bio/email
January 31, 2005
On the road to Budokan
I met a man named Rama Dan.
And Rama Dan had a dog
named Frog,
who hopped like the same.
Frog also wore
a green polystyrene suit,
serving to make
the resemblance more acute.
Frog didn't know what a frog was
or that his way of moving,
for a dog, was
quite strange and notably unique.
Or that a proper frog should ribbet,
not squeak.

Frog could be said
to be more stupid than a dead
ocelot or a pile of socks.
Frog liked to eat rocks.
And on the way to Budokan
he ate a turtle with a rock-like tan.
And the turtle's brother was Steve
who followed us and wouldn't leave
even when we asked him to.
Or threatened him with much kung-fu.

The turtle followed, then stepped on an ant,
who was the aunt of an ant named Kant,
who joined this motley caravan
and kept up pace, even when we ran.

And the ant Kant offended an ostrich jerk
named Murray who was out of work
and looking for trouble, so in a hurry
our larger group was plus a Murray.

And before very long Murray had flipped the beak
to a herd of tuna who'd stopped to take a leak
on a beach by the road where a high-strung toad
had taken offense when Rama Dan called him a choad.

So then the tuna were swimming in pursuit
and the toad had crawled inside Rama Dan's boot
and was biting his ankle like a toothless piranha,
which pissed off a goldfish bowl full of Arowana
who quickly proved how much ass they could haul
by rolling that bowl like a demented hamster ball.

And I don't even know where the pterodactyl came from
or that Eskimo bitch that smelled like spiced rum.
But I'm pretty sure those Quakers, they had their reasons,
like the way Murray always screams "Fuck You!" when he's sneezing.

And the jugglers and panda bears
were likely just unaware
that Kant looks at everyone like that
and Rama Dan meant it like "phat."

But there was truly no convincing
the trick riders or the lobsters mincing
behind us like an army of freaks
that Frog means no offense when he squeaks.

At first we were trailed for malice or spite
but then just because it looked fun, quite the sight
and the sun was out and it was nice outside
so more people joined in, walking side by side.

Then somebody thought it was a goddamned parade
and a marching band came and the marching band stayed
and we marched into Budokan like a conquering Army
while the people were cheering something luscious and smarmy.

And I actually started to enjoy it, hey what the hell?
Rolling with the punches has always served me well.
But then that goddamned ostrich Murray screamed "Fuck you!"
and started the famous riot that leveled Budokan.


Milestones
1979: A young Omar Bricks writes the first incarnation of what will eventually become his "My Friend Polio" column, originally titled "Why I Peed in the Water Fountain."
Now Hiring
Web Site Designer. Must have little to no professional experience, critical eye, delusions of grandeur, and think every current website sucks big ass compared to own Helmet fan page with FAQ. Starting pay of $90k to $250k, based on sheer swagger. Position will replace current asshole Neal, who should be finding out about this… just about… now.
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