Drained Heart

by Bartimere Gong

January 17, 2005

My heart
is
empty
like the keg
on
the porch
Why, Denise,
why?

To drive home
is
fine
designated driver
you
volunteered

But to drive
home
with Mitch
Mitch the
Bitch
we call him

Why, Denise,
why?

They all say
he
bags everybody
will fuck
any
thing in a skirt
That includes
Mac
Kenna the Scottish
Exchange Student
No
I do not shit you

Why, Denise,
why?

I will still
take
you back
unless
you
fucked him

Even
I
have standards

Quote of the Day

“Any man who serves as his own lawyer has a fool for a client. Because think about it, stupid, why you gonna pay some guy who didn't even go to law school? That's just dumb. And how do you pay yourself, anyway? Take your money out of one pocket and put it in the other? Silly. Or maybe you've got to hire a neutral third party to take the money and then hand it back to you, like a lawyer or somebody. Shit, this is gettin' expensive.”

-Dred Scott Drummond

Fortune 500 Cookie

You're simply the best, and that depresses us all. The next time you're on trial for murder, don't forget to mention that a Klondike bar was involved. And if you must ask for a lawyer who can get you off, at least try not to do it with that smarmy leer in your eye. Try chewing your food an odd number of times this week, like 6,372. This week's lucky injuries: hangnail, hangankle, ruptured spleen, stabitosis.

Try again later.

Top Samuel Berger Excuses for Hiding Documents in Pants

1.	Was hoping only hot babes had clearance to read pages.
2.	In early stages of making a nest for baby starlings.
3.	Not everybody can afford a snazzy briefcase, Rockefeller.
4.	Trying to conceive children; needed to keep the boys warm.
5.	Classify this, motherfucker.

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New Diet!
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