09/20/26
Don't count us out. Or count on us. Please, just stop with the counting.
|  Party Girlby Jordetta Colgate   December 20, 2004 Paris Hilton can kiss my ass,
since when is that bitch the Head of the Class? That greasy skank's a Dennis who can't bring no menace. That's if she even knows what an ass is! Man, I've got an ass that surpasses, she barely even has one herself. You couldn't rest a dime on that shelf. Girl hasn't got enough crack to get two midgets high, Jack! Please guys, if you want a grope and you enjoy somebody built like a little boy, I hear Michael Jackson's got it going on, and he's handing out sodas back by the john. So what if she's got her own show? I put on twice the show of that ho! I'll go to church in a bikini... Hey, who the fuck ganked my martini? I'm the spoiled party girl sensation, not that boney old shriveled-up Haitian! That dinosaur's old enough to drink, while I can't even legally top off my shrink! Nuts to her bootleg sex video, I'm working on my own with Arsenio! How's that for public humiliation? As if hers even showed any penetration. I'm twice as rich and three times as oblivious! I asked my pharmacist for some "Lascivious." I thought Dick Clark was our president, and I return any mail addressed to "resident." Goddammit, somebody look at me! I'm making out with that guy from I Heart Huckabees! I took my top off and am dancing like I Dream of Jeannie! Fuck it all, who ganked my new martini?? Yo tabloids, get off your asses and detail my exploits! And you'd better use big fonts like "SEXPLOITS!" I'm dancing half-naked to this hot new Falco song, and for a girl of my standing, that's just wrong! What to I gotta do to get some attention tonight? You guys have heard of toothpaste, right? Hey, I got my hair cut like Benito Mussolini's! All right assholes, who keeps ganking my martinis? Quote of the Day“Don't run if you can walk. Don't walk if you can stand. Don't stand if you can sit. Don't sit if you can lie down. Don't like down if you can sleep. Don't sleep if you can be put into a medically induced coma. Don't be put into a medically induced coma if you can kick back in an iron lung and have machines shit for you. Don't do any of that if golf is on TV.”-Lazy Larry Lisbaine Fortune 500 CookieYou're gonna die this week. Sorry we couldn't put a more clever spin on that. In the meantime, try pouring sugar on your cereal instead of milk. Fuck it, what's anybody gonna do about it now? If it's any consolation, almost everyone in the world doesn't know you're alive anyway. This week's lucky coffin models: Dirt Rocket III, Econo-Sarcophagus Jr, The Spruce Moose, Office Max Moving Box Model 223117, The Bobsled to Hell, Spring-Loaded Jokester's Delight, Seventh Generation Biodegradable Grandma Sack, foot locker in your ex-boyfriend's closet.Try again later. Worst Arguments Used Against Right-to-Die Advocates
 New Diet! Quiet! I'm going on a new diet! Now don't deny it, you know you wanna try it! Because a diet's way easier to do when the whole big world's on it with you! Gonna lose that baby fat that's been lurking around my tummy like a tapeworm ... (12/6/04) Peace Frog There's blood in the streets, there's meat on these sheets. What am I, sleeping with a butcher? Napping on crazy wax paper wrapped in crap vapors dreaming of walking on gongs past a sleeping pitbull. Goddamn is this song loud... (11/15/04) Dromediary Long and hairy luminaries hang from the sky and dangle scary fingers downward in repose just itching to twitch and pick my nose. Prescient crescents— the cartoon moons fill the sky to seven deep with beauty to cause my golden weep as I... (10/18/04)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.