03/7/25
The Burning Coal of Wisdom Crammed Inside the Anus of Truth
|  New Diet!by Lindsay Green   December 6, 2004 Quiet!
I'm going on a new diet! Now don't deny it, you know you wanna try it! Because a diet's way easier to do when the whole big world's on it with you! Gonna lose that baby fat that's been lurking around my tummy like a tapeworm wrapped 'round a mummy! No more fat hanging around my belly like an unwelcome bowl full of jelly! And my new diet's political too! No more dolphin tuna for you-know-who! World poverty? Gonna defeat it! World suffering? Not gonna eat it! No carbs for me, And no nards for me neither! I'm so hungry I could eat the gonads off a nomad! But that would make me so sad since they're high in Zinc. So none for me, wink wink! Back to nature I say! Get out of my way! I'm hungry enough to eat a squirrel or the jock strap off of Milton Berle! That's nature's way! And starting today no more sun-dried tomatoes. I'll pass-a, because that sun's full of chemicals from NASA! I'll eat like an ape before nature was raped by hairspray and glue. That's what I'll do! What I understand from the zoo is that they get by mostly on popcorn and candy. I like popcorn and candy! That's it! I'll only eat things that fell on the ground like anchovies or discarded ground round! I'll eat till I sick up all the things I could pick up if I were naked and wild, and the donuts were piled in the woods by the birds instead of bird turds. Do you think bacon counts? I like bacon. I'm pretty sure I could pick some up bacon naked if everyone else in the store was distracted. I'll be a fruititarian and only eat from the aquarium! I'll be more vegan than Ronald Reagan! I'll show that Atkins I can eat only bat shins! I'll go macrobiotic like an Asian psychotic! I'll go all Christian Outreach on that there South Beach! And if John Tesh invents a diet? I'll try it! Ooh, Jesus. These pork rinds are sal-ty! This diet needs some beer, and quick! Quote of the Day“Love is blindness, deafness, muteness, retardation, spinal bifida, shingles, crotch rot, Alzheimer's, malaria, gout, rubella…”-Doctor Love Fortune 500 CookieDon't spit, shit, or knit into the wind this week; as a matter of fact—stay out of the wind entirely. And those gibberish Mariachi lyrics you've been humming for the last three years—time to give that a rest. You will be mortified this week to discover that the family camping trips you've been repressing since childhood were the inspiration for Brokeback Mountain, and that you're not actually related to your uncle Phil. This week's lucky colas: Mister Flat, Diet Riot, Vanilla RBX174, Buurp, Cherry Fairy, PreP, Pepsi-dAC.Try again later. Top Outstanding commune Petty Cash Debts
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Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.