A Fistful of Tannenbaum Chapter 8: Unpleasant Entry

Editor's Note: Escaping from Surprise Truck by the sacrifice of his longtime friend Reilly, intrepid hero Jed Foster and sexy love interest Paulette Standiford motorcycle to the headquarters of government organization N.O.R.T.O.N., where they plan to steal the Bomb of Ages before it can be stolen first by the evil conspiracy group Ostrich. Pretty kick-ass, eh?

The motorcycle pulled into Wad, Nebraska, and found the town center—a Safeway. Jed bought a couple of orange juices and some pornographic magazines, only for the articles, and they were off on their way again. He wasn't sure about the location of N.O.R.T.O.N.'s hidden entrance to its headquarters, but Paulette had been there many times. They found a parking lot for a large auditorium, with a sign posted announcing Yanni was performing inside.

"Brilliant disguise," said Jed, taking off his sleek black helmet. "No one would ever come here. A perfect way to hide the biggest government weapons lab in the country."

"Yes," agreed Paulette. "Before they built it, they kept it in Washington, in the Mariners' Stadium."

Jed followed Paulette to a large booth, both of them bowed so as not be seen by any observers, of which there were none, so it was highly unnecessary. Paulette picked the lock and slipped into the booth, and Jed followed; inside they found a large service elevator shaft, with the elevator itself missing.

"We're out of luck!" exclaimed Jed, who loved exclaiming. "We can't wait here for the elevator to come up—we'll be caught!"

"Oh, we're not going to wait," Paulette said slyly, producing one of those… it's like a grappling hook, but the spikes on the side actually spring out like chung! I think they had one in The Matrix. One of those, is what she produced. It went chung! when she pressed the appropriate button.

"I hate rappelling," Jed said to himself. Himself didn't bother replying.

Soon, they had sunk the chung! thing into the doorframe and started descending the dark, shafty elevator shaft carefully. Jed, since he's a man, led the way, with Paulette coming after him. As a fan of Benny Hill, he didn't dare look up her skirt, fearing a hard smack or an embarrassing pat on his head.

It was a long, treacherous journey I won't waste words describing. But Jed found the bottom, lighting the area with the eye of the synthetic sea monster they had slain on the way down.

"Mother of Russell Crowe!" exclaimed Jed. Paulette, who had sharp blue eyes and very large bosoms, turned and saw the most amazing sight she had ever seen.

Just in front of them, stretching between walls two miles apart, and taking up the same amount of space as a football field full of fetuses, lay the Bomb of Ages. It was exactly as it had been previously described, yet they were, for some reason, awestruck by it all the same.

"Yes, a wonderful sight," came a strained, German voice in the dark. "A pity it will be your last!"

Jed and Paulette shined the light on the voice's owner, just in time to make for a biting cliffhanger.


Next Chapter: Summer of the German Bastard

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