02/12/26
The Answer. The Question. The Excuse.
|  What If?by Dr. Malcolm Zooter   May 31, 2004 What if the sky revolvesaround the earth, like a player-piano roll cranked by a troll that looks disturbingly like former Nirvana drummer Dave Grohl? What if pineapples were alive? What if they are? How do you feel about cracking open their spiny skulls and feeding on their juicy, delicious yellow brains now that you know? I thought so. What if Africa turned out not to be a place at all, but merely a concept? Have you been there? I'd think carefully before I answered that if I were wearing your ostrich-feathered hat. What if blondes really have less fun but lie about it to protect their reputation? What do you think of your deceitful whores now, gentlemen? What if all coma victims are faking it? What if you could eat a cake while baking it? What if the guy in the coma smelled that cakey aroma and his hunger drove him to forsaking it? What if I were to impugn we never put a man on the moon and the footage instead was from Venus? What if the moon is a secret ice-cream factory and NASA found it unsatisfactory to land on a planet rhyming with penis? What if USA really stands for Unionized Secretary's Association? And we're all unknowing secretaries... the whole nation! Let's keep this between you and me. You go get me some coffee, while I check my breasts for lactation. What if you're not really reading this poem but are really floating up a tree's phloem? A bit of tree sap that's dreaming shouldn't find it demeaning just because up a tree's ass you roam. Quote of the Day“The stars at night are big and bright, deep in the heart of Texas! Except near Houston, Dallas or Fort Worth. Talk about your smog. Jesus, this song's gonna need another verse.”-Clement B. Doogle Fortune 500 CookieMama said there'd be days like this, but the bitch lied. The success or failure of this coming week hinges on your proper understanding of the word "gonad," so take our advice and go buy a dictionary now, Skippy. Order lots of Chinese food this week, but don't pick it up. This week's lucky accidents: back-flip off ladder onto hardwood floor, lip caught on drain while bathtub's full, wearing flammable jumpsuit to Great White concert, 15 car pile-up.Try again later. Worst-Selling Meat Alternatives
 Dick Food The hyenas of Sunset Boulevard chew on my taint like bubblegum in the mouth of the oldest spoiled daughter of this widow I've been screwing for beer money. Nasty ravens chomping on my eyeballs like pimento olives at the dog track. Run, you... (5/3/04) Hungry Like a Wolf I'm hungry like a wolf that just ate a whole big-ass bag of Purina but then he saw something really funny and was laughing so hard he barfed it all up. Dark in the city, night is a wire, steam in the subway, earth is a fire. Holy shit,... (4/5/04) Constantinople (A Spent Tin Colon) Connie bought an opal ("Abalone coupon night!") from Constantinople. (Flint postmen croon. A) Dennis killed a dentist (dissident knelt Daniel) at noon on a weekend. (down on one knee at a) Eustace was the loosest (teahouse. "Slow... (3/8/04)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.