It appears an Adam Sandler comedy is once again the number one movie in the country. Further proof U.S. intelligence is failing to prevent real disasters. Sandler works with Drew Barrymore again in this one, which at least keeps both sides of the screen working at a sub-moronic level. But enough about the theaters—we'll properly deal with the Sandler-Barrymore toxic spill in two or three months, when it arrives on DVD. Let's see what creosote washes up on DVD this week.


New on DVD

Matchstick Men
The last time Ridley Scott tried his hand at comedy we ended up with Thelma & Louise, and while I personally enjoyed the hell out of seeing Geena Davis and Susan Sarandon plummet to their deaths in an automobile, we're not so lucky with Nicolas Cage and Sam Rockwell this time out. Another case of a film being produced years before its release, this may well have been a student film Scott spliced together in his garage, it at least appears that way. The unfortunate thing about a movie about con men pulling a con is usually it's the audience who has to check for their wallet when it's over.

The Missing
Ah, the masters of cinema: Kubrick, Scorsese, Howard. Ron Howard? I would put Moe Howard before Ron as a true film auteur. It's not his fault. He was raised in sitcom worlds, it's hardly a shock his films reflect those sensibilities. The Missing does for the western genre what Splash did for the mermaid mythos. Personally, I think he was more in his element working with nude fish women. Modern day schmaltz seeps all through this film like a spilled soda, and ruins what could have been an otherwise merely awful genre piece. I'm not sure the word "dysfunctional" was around during the picture's era, but that's a whole other complaint.

Looney Tunes: Back in America
If someone were to ask you what the Looney Tunes cartoon franchise needs to revitalize itself, would you say Brendan Fraser and Jenna Elfman? Someone must have. Wow, we're talking a war crime-level offense here. Still, despite the unrelenting anchor they provide throughout the film, the days of Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck are long past. I never cared much for them myself, preferring the far superior French slapstick cartoon duo Monsieur Herlot and La Femme. They didn't insist on smacking each other with hammers, and instead preferred to argue the nihilistic nature of man's existence while throwing pies at one another. However, old Bugs and Daffy is always better than new Bugs and Daffy, mathematical formulas could probably prove it. Seeing modern Looney Tunes takes on the old characters is much like watching Winger opening for Whitesnake at a local state fair, without the nullifying effects of beer to ease the pain.


I suppose I have dealt Hollywood its well-deserved bare-assed spanking for the week. If I have prevented one more "based on a true story" horse race movie, then I have earned my keep. Come back for more in two weeks. Good viewing, America.

February 16, 2004
What up, Entertainment Police people? Roland McS is in the hizzouse. Which, for the hip-impaired, means roughly the same thing as "Lucy, I'm hoooome!" For the Latin-impaired, that means "Bitch, where my pork chops?" And for the domestic-abuse... (2/16/04)

February 9, 2004
I realize my territory is DVDs, and the theater-going tract is properly my cohort Mr. McShyster's, should he ever choose to actually go and see a movie, but I would like to save the public some more Sept. 11-level misery by begging, pleading with... (2/9/04)

February 2, 2004
Oh, it's you again. America. I didn't see you there. Well. Back again already, are you? Hmm. Okay then, let's do this. Let's waste no more precious eye time, ladies and men, it's time to answer the time-honored question on everyone's lips this week:... (2/2/04)

January 26, 2004
Welcome again, elite follower of all things entertainment. For hopefully the last time, if you're seeking the wonderfully fictional critic Roland McShyster, please try the first and third weeks of the month, in other words, alternate Mondays, as we... (1/26/04)