Vaginal Scrape!

by Lindsay Green

February 9, 2004

Vaginal scrape!

Me!

Today!

Hot damn hot damn, get out of my way!

I've got a date with Mr. Goodtimes.
And the raindrops can't hit my ass
Because I'm moving too fast.

Take me home, Doctor Proctor.
The evening shall be gynecotacular!

That thing's going to be clean enough
To host a picnic inside, I tell you what.
Health inspectors will declare
"It's spotless in there!"

Mark my words and word to Mark:
It's gonna whistle when I run!
Everybody's gonna ask, "What's up Lindsay?
You sound like a rusty swingset today!"

I could tell them why but I just won't say
I'm just gonna smile and wink
Like a sly fox with a nice clean pink...
You know.

Because it's my secret
(me and the lucky ducks who've read my poem, that is!)

Scrape off that nasty plaque, Dr. Squeak.
Break out the masonry trowel or whatever
You gotta use to lose those blues!

(Though I think he might have to use the chimney brush since I haven't been in a while)

Quote of the Day

“I am the very model of a modern major general. Perhaps this explains my inability to move my limbs and the pungent smell of airplane glue.”

-Gilgamesh Sullivan

Fortune 500 Cookie

You're set loose and Fancy free, since your cat Fancy ran away. The girl checking you out at Safeway is indeed the lead singer of Deee-Lite. If one thing gets your goat, it's goat theftâ€”consider a goat lock. Lucky Wilburys are Boo, Spike, and Lefty.

Try again later.

Top Nicknames for Each Toe

1.	Lil Pete
2.	Sweat Hog
3.	Midlor, the Middle Toe
4.	Die Schweine!
5.	Mr. Overrated
6.	King Shit
7.	Toe Ain't So Big
8.	Jam Salad
9.	Steve McQueen in The Great Escape
10.	Phantom Itch

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I Bought This Memory
I bought this memory at Walgreens, it was discounted heavily. With it implanted I settled back to enjoy my reverie. But to my dismay I soon realized why this memory had been spurned. It was of eating a stale club sandwich whose mayonnaise... (1/12/04)

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I once had a glass I and in case you're reading this out loud to someone I feel the need to clarify. Not a glass eye as in an eyeball made of glass, a creepy hazel doodad staring frozen in impasse. Nor some tricky eye-sized marble ... (12/22/03)