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03/3/26   
Don't count us out. Or count on us. Please, just stop with the counting.

Vaginal Scrape!

by Lindsay Green
bio/email
February 9, 2004
Vaginal scrape!

Me!

Today!

Hot damn hot damn, get out of my way!

I've got a date with Mr. Goodtimes.
And the raindrops can't hit my ass
Because I'm moving too fast.

Take me home, Doctor Proctor.
The evening shall be gynecotacular!

That thing's going to be clean enough
To host a picnic inside, I tell you what.
Health inspectors will declare
"It's spotless in there!"

Mark my words and word to Mark:
It's gonna whistle when I run!
Everybody's gonna ask, "What's up Lindsay?
You sound like a rusty swingset today!"

I could tell them why but I just won't say
I'm just gonna smile and wink
Like a sly fox with a nice clean pink...
You know.

Because it's my secret
(me and the lucky ducks who've read my poem, that is!)

Scrape off that nasty plaque, Dr. Squeak.
Break out the masonry trowel or whatever
You gotta use to lose those blues!

(Though I think he might have to use the chimney brush since I haven't been in a while)


Quote of the Day
“A nation divided against itself, times three more nations, plus six more nations and an independent state, divided by two nations, is… shit. I always do this. I forgot to carry the remainder. Does anyone have a calculator I can borrow?”

-Abie Lincoln Hayes
Fortune 500 Cookie
Today is the day the son of a bitch finally dies. You know what would be good right about now? Chili con carne. Isn't it funny how the one time you forget to wear a condom is the one time you end up catching a seriously painful contagious disease? Lucky for you, the world can always abide one more asshole.


Try again later.
Top 5 Ways for a Fantatic to Honor Favorite Musician
1.Break into house; masturbate in the bathtub.
2.Nothing says "I love you" like your name in scar tissue
3.Dress like Hootie. Talk like Hootie. Be Hootie.
4.What the fuck—kill him so he can never make any more wonderful music.
5.Talk loudly at parties about how much better his early work was.
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