Vaginal Scrape!

by Lindsay Green

February 9, 2004

Vaginal scrape!

Me!

Today!

Hot damn hot damn, get out of my way!

I've got a date with Mr. Goodtimes.
And the raindrops can't hit my ass
Because I'm moving too fast.

Take me home, Doctor Proctor.
The evening shall be gynecotacular!

That thing's going to be clean enough
To host a picnic inside, I tell you what.
Health inspectors will declare
"It's spotless in there!"

Mark my words and word to Mark:
It's gonna whistle when I run!
Everybody's gonna ask, "What's up Lindsay?
You sound like a rusty swingset today!"

I could tell them why but I just won't say
I'm just gonna smile and wink
Like a sly fox with a nice clean pink...
You know.

Because it's my secret
(me and the lucky ducks who've read my poem, that is!)

Scrape off that nasty plaque, Dr. Squeak.
Break out the masonry trowel or whatever
You gotta use to lose those blues!

(Though I think he might have to use the chimney brush since I haven't been in a while)

Quote of the Day

“To sleep, perchance to dream. As long as I do not dream of being pursued by that creepy Duracell robot family, for that shit was truly too much for a soul to endure.”

-Robert Shakenspear

Fortune 500 Cookie

Do not take the road less traveled, 'cause the toll is complete bullshit. If everyone jumped off a bridge, would you? Your mother will finally find out this week. Two brutal assaults is a coincidence, three is a lack of self-control. Expect to be broken hearted this week, as the writing on the bathroom wall foretold. Lucky numbers all make a sum of 9.

Try again later.

John Kerry's Vision for America

1.	Americans shouldn't be despised everywhere abroad; only France
2.	Health care for each and every American with insurance
3.	A chicken in every pot, and pot for everyone without a chicken
4.	Make Affleck and J-Lo realize they're still in love
5.	Sterilize all Bush males

Fuckin' Cold
It's cold outside Fuckin' cold Like a snowman's icy balls Like a dead Eskimo stuck to a flag pole Up in Ugunumtwat, Alaska. That cold. Why does it get so cold? Because God don't love you no more Charlie. Suck on that for a while. ... (1/26/04)

I Bought This Memory
I bought this memory at Walgreens, it was discounted heavily. With it implanted I settled back to enjoy my reverie. But to my dismay I soon realized why this memory had been spurned. It was of eating a stale club sandwich whose mayonnaise... (1/12/04)

Glass I
I once had a glass I and in case you're reading this out loud to someone I feel the need to clarify. Not a glass eye as in an eyeball made of glass, a creepy hazel doodad staring frozen in impasse. Nor some tricky eye-sized marble ... (12/22/03)