Vaginal Scrape!

by Lindsay Green

February 9, 2004

Vaginal scrape!

Me!

Today!

Hot damn hot damn, get out of my way!

I've got a date with Mr. Goodtimes.
And the raindrops can't hit my ass
Because I'm moving too fast.

Take me home, Doctor Proctor.
The evening shall be gynecotacular!

That thing's going to be clean enough
To host a picnic inside, I tell you what.
Health inspectors will declare
"It's spotless in there!"

Mark my words and word to Mark:
It's gonna whistle when I run!
Everybody's gonna ask, "What's up Lindsay?
You sound like a rusty swingset today!"

I could tell them why but I just won't say
I'm just gonna smile and wink
Like a sly fox with a nice clean pink...
You know.

Because it's my secret
(me and the lucky ducks who've read my poem, that is!)

Scrape off that nasty plaque, Dr. Squeak.
Break out the masonry trowel or whatever
You gotta use to lose those blues!

(Though I think he might have to use the chimney brush since I haven't been in a while)

Quote of the Day

“Learning without thought is labor lost; except in public schools, where it keeps most teachers employed.”

-Confused-ass Carmen

Fortune 500 Cookie

You'll have a brush with death this week, and that fucker has some of the yellowest teeth you've ever seen, so make sure you go first. This time the lyrics to the song you're pretending to know the words to actually are "Watermelon, Watermelon, Watermelon." You'll make the most expensive movie ever made in your kitchen this week, for ten dollars. Lucky strikes, camels, kools, and bel-airs.

Try again later.

Top-Selling Halloween Masks

1.	John Kerry w/ matching beret
2.	George W. Bush w/ matching quizzical look
3.	Zorro's cheaper cousin Steve-o
4.	Me, only better
5.	Eddie Murphy circa 1986
6.	Gollum/Rupert Murdoch 2-year reusable mask
7.	Irresistible Sexy Man #34
8.	Scary Scream guy stealing "The Scream"
9.	'57 Studebaker
10.	That guy over there

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I Bought This Memory
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