More Fads: The 1930's

Fads have existed from the beginning of time. From the original fad of the dinosaurs, through the first Christian who nervously fingered his WWJD lapel pin right before he was fed to the lions, fads have been a simple fact of life for eons. So it should come as no surprise that there were even fads during America's own ancient times, the 1930's. Just because people talked funny and everything was in black and white doesn't mean those somber times were free of people getting overly excited about stupid trends.

Perhaps the most bizarre fad of the 1930's was the practice of goldfish swallowing. The origins of this fad are unclear, though a hilarious story about a goldfish owner eating an insanely hot tamale the same day his home's water was turned off, leading him to accidentally swallow his own pet goldfish while gulping down the contents of its bowl, has persevered over the years. True, or just funny? We may never know, but the exact same thing happened to my cousin and I wouldn't rush to credit him with being the first person to do anything.

In 1939 Dickie Lunds set the modern-day record by swallowing three hundred goldfish, after which a tapeworm the size of Doris Day was coaxed out of his large intestine with promises of a film career. Though like most aspiring starlets arriving in Hollywood, the tapeworm was then unceremoniously hit upside the head with an oar and sold to the rich as an exotic house pet. Lunds' short-lived fame then quickly deflated, since without the tapeworm puffing him up he had so much excess skin he looked like a giant scrotal flap. And no matter how many cut-rate children's pets you can cram down your disgusting throat, that's just not something the chicks dig. Unless you're Hugh Hefner, it wouldn't surprise me if that nasty old guy experiences full-body erections that cause him to grow to eight feet tall.

Lunds would later set the record for eating the most antacids after attempting to set the record for iguanas eaten in 1944, and would die alone in 1953 while trying to eat more hermit crabs than Lyle Downey of Hershberg, Kansas, who had spent three weeks accidentally locked inside of a pet store that had gone out of business. Even though he would end up as only a footnote in the history of lousy children's pet eating, Lunds has to be admired for his resolve and "never get a clue" attitude.

The most impressive fad of the 1930's had to be the dance marathon. Every Saturday night, couples would pit themselves against each other in this iron-willed test of resolve and lack of healthy perspective. In this bizarre ritual, dozens of men and women would dance to the death for weeks on end inside high school gymnasiums, the last couple standing crowned the king and queen of the killing floor. All the while, a dance "moderator," perched inside a lifeguard's tower with a rifle, eliminated contestants who clearly had lost the will to dance. Eventually this fad died off when people realized there were easier ways to get a door prize.

Though by this time they've probably eclipsed the statute of limitations on what can be considered a fad, drive-in theaters deserve a mention for their sublime tackiness. The first drive-in theater was opened by Delmar Hughes in his back yard in 1935, when he charged his neighbors admission to park on his lawn and watch footage of Delmar's wife having sex with a polo team projected onto his garage door. Never was the popular saying truer, that revenge is the mother of invention.

Drive-in theaters grew in popularity amongst people who were afraid to leave their cars for nearly fifty years, providing generations of Americans with warm memories of half-seen movies watched in pantomime form because dad didn't pay good money to not be able to listen to his smooth jazz station when he was in the car. If lip-reading were a real science and not just a bluff used by conmen to bilk the FBI and make deaf people feel inadequate, it would have got its start at the drive-in.

As you may have noticed, the big fads of the 1930's were decidedly low-budget affairs thanks to the Great Depression. But they were memorable in their creativity, and certianly worthy of a chapter in You Look Like an Asshole, my upcoming book. Speaking of which, it's starting to look like eight chapters isn't going to be nearly enough, so I need each and every one of you out there to put your heart into creating fads that will define the current decade, and fast. I don't care what; wear an oil filter for a hat or something, paint your dog. Just make sure it catches on in the next few weeks. Thanks.

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