I Bought This Memory

by Winston C. Mars

January 12, 2004

I bought this memory at Walgreens,
it was discounted heavily.
With it implanted I settled back
to enjoy my reverie.
But to my dismay I soon realized
why this memory had been spurned.
It was of eating a stale club sandwich
whose mayonnaise had turned!

I took it right back for a refund,
but the Chinese clerk he protested.
He asked for proof, by way of receipt
for the memory I'd injested.

I searched my pockets to no avail.
I checked again, but again failed!
Nowhere was it to be found.

I scanned the scene,
and checked in-between
my sneaker and the ground.

But it was gone.
Goodbye, so long!
Sayonara, it turned to vapors.
Somehow somewhere,
vanished into the air.
"I'll see you in the funny papers."

I tried my best
to prove in jest
that I was the one who had bought it.
"Aha!" I voiced,
"The rye bread was slightly moist,
like someone had coughed on it."

"And the pickles, they stank
like something quite rank
and the hamâ€”the ham was like rubber.
The turkey was raw
and the cheese was so blah,
like crusty, stretched-thin whale blubber."

But the clerk didn't buy it,
wouldn't even try it.
He just smiled and shook his head "No."
Without the receipt
I could have shit to eat
and he wouldn't mind it at all if I'd go.

As I stormed out into the rain
the image haunted my brain:
That clerk's grin hung in breathless fixation.

It was clear I'd been playedâ€”
the memory cleverly overlaid
over my memory of the receipt's location!

Damn you, Walgreens. You can keep your lousy four dollars.

Quote of the Day

“A man cannot serve two masters. Unless they are both kung fu masters, in which case he'd better do his damned best. At least until they kill each other in a spectacular bloody finale.”

-Rod Godd

Fortune 500 Cookie

Fine, the stars won't kill you with cancer like they previously promisedâ€¦ big baby. Time to face facts: Those laser discs you socked away are never going to go up in value. Sorry, girlfriend, no visit from the stork for you, but you will get a postcard from a half-crazed seagull. Lucky Sean Penn films: Hurly Burly, Dead Man Walking, I Am Sam, and Supreme Blow-Jobs XXVI.

Try again later.

Top Puns that Got You Shot

1.	"But waiter, you can't tune a sandwich!"
2.	"If you want to get married some time, give me a ring."
3.	"Arr, you think me cooking be impressive, you should see me pea soup!"
4.	"Come back, man, that's nacho cheese!"
5.	"I play bass for Big Dick and the Trojans, we're a rubber band."

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