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08/24/26   
Death never smelled so good


Rusty Klein

A Chicago restaurant paid $106,000 for the controversial playoffs ball that could have cost the Cubs a shot at the series. They claim they want to destroy the ball and put the misery to an end for all the teams' fans, but all we can say is someone else has made a big fat profit off of a ball that's already caused a lot of heartbreak for Cub fans. — Professor Jeremy Klein










Quote of the Day
“I have a dream… uh… nope, drawing a blank. It was clear as a fuckin' bell this morning, I swear to God. There was something about dolphins, that's all I can remember right now.”

-"King" Luther Martens
Fortune 500 Cookie
Don't be so hard on yourself, we all know mama told you not to come, but it ain't so easy when the bitch got titties til' Tuesday. Also, don't give up your dream of eating a tree like it was an ice cream sandwich, we've been charging admission. This week's lucky cancers: fingernail cancer, breath cancer, split ends cancer, silicone implant cancer.


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Archives
Shop Till You Drop
Enjoying the shopping, the merchandise, the endless exchange of cash and the rampant exhaustive over-commercialization… but try not to forget the sugar plums. — A.D.... (12/8/03)

Sympathy for Devils
With the bombing of the British embassy in Turkey, terrorists are now striking targets in neighboring Islamic countries. What better way to win over your most potentially sympathetic audience than set off bombs next door! — Professor Jeremy... (11/24/03)

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