the commune

Rusty Klein

A Chicago restaurant paid $106,000 for the controversial playoffs ball that could have cost the Cubs a shot at the series. They claim they want to destroy the ball and put the misery to an end for all the teams' fans, but all we can say is someone else has made a big fat profit off of a ball that's already caused a lot of heartbreak for Cub fans. â€” Professor Jeremy Klein

Quote of the Day

“The good die first. Then, the not-so good. Then the ugly. Strike that, the ugly should die first. Can I start again? If there are any good left, don't kill them yet, we've still got some uglies over here.”

-Billiam Swordswart

Fortune 500 Cookie

The next time you give a dog as a gift, why don't you try poking some holes in the cellophane, ay handyman? Here's something to chew on: gum. Remember: you can't hurry love, but you can get your ass in motion when you're blocking the express lane, chunky. This week's lucky ducks: Donald, Daffy, Dontrelle, Fukka.

Try again later.

How Did Rat Poison Get in Food for Dogs & Cats?

1.	Particularly sly British mouse known only as Nigel
2.	Adult illiteracy: Secret shame of the pet food industry
3.	Turned back for one minute; Islamic fundamentalists cats & dogs go shithouse on production line
4.	Mislabeled bags were manufactured for special Ted Nugent brand of pet food
5.	One man determined to get the fucking dog to play dead already

Shop Till You Drop
Enjoying the shopping, the merchandise, the endless exchange of cash and the rampant exhaustive over-commercializationâ€¦ but try not to forget the sugar plums. â€” A.D.... (12/8/03)

Sympathy for Devils
With the bombing of the British embassy in Turkey, terrorists are now striking targets in neighboring Islamic countries. What better way to win over your most potentially sympathetic audience than set off bombs next door! â€” Professor Jeremy... (11/24/03)