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10/9/26   
Not really trying since 2001


Rusty Klein

A Chicago restaurant paid $106,000 for the controversial playoffs ball that could have cost the Cubs a shot at the series. They claim they want to destroy the ball and put the misery to an end for all the teams' fans, but all we can say is someone else has made a big fat profit off of a ball that's already caused a lot of heartbreak for Cub fans. — Professor Jeremy Klein










Milestones
1979: Some people call Red Bagel a space cowboy (wahnt-waaow). Ignorant to popular culture, Bagel burns his driver's license and spends two years living underground as Miguel Carlos Ferrina.
Now Hiring
Small Town Rube. Trustworthy innocent needed to flush gremlins out of elevator system. Competitive wage to be paid upon successful completion of duties. No Sci-Fi geeks, please.
Most Painful Music Lawsuits
1.Christopher Cross vs. Kris Kross (1992)
2.John Fogerty vs. John Fogerty (1985)
3.Warner Bros. vs. Pri.. The Ar.. That Guy Over There in the Pastel Pants (1994)
4.Michael Jackson vs. Insane Kahlil's Rhinoplasty (1987)
5.The Ghost of Nat "King" Cole vs. Natalie Cole (1991)
Archives
Shop Till You Drop
Enjoying the shopping, the merchandise, the endless exchange of cash and the rampant exhaustive over-commercialization… but try not to forget the sugar plums. — A.D.... (12/8/03)

Sympathy for Devils
With the bombing of the British embassy in Turkey, terrorists are now striking targets in neighboring Islamic countries. What better way to win over your most potentially sympathetic audience than set off bombs next door! — Professor Jeremy... (11/24/03)

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