You need a newer browser.

01/24/26   
Come for the pie, stay for the complete lack of pie


Rusty Klein

A Chicago restaurant paid $106,000 for the controversial playoffs ball that could have cost the Cubs a shot at the series. They claim they want to destroy the ball and put the misery to an end for all the teams' fans, but all we can say is someone else has made a big fat profit off of a ball that's already caused a lot of heartbreak for Cub fans. — Professor Jeremy Klein










Quote of the Day
“Any man who serves as his own lawyer has a fool for a client. Because think about it, stupid, why you gonna pay some guy who didn't even go to law school? That's just dumb. And how do you pay yourself, anyway? Take your money out of one pocket and put it in the other? Silly. Or maybe you've got to hire a neutral third party to take the money and then hand it back to you, like a lawyer or somebody. Shit, this is gettin' expensive.”

-Dred Scott Drummond
Fortune 500 Cookie
You're simply the best, and that depresses us all. The next time you're on trial for murder, don't forget to mention that a Klondike bar was involved. And if you must ask for a lawyer who can get you off, at least try not to do it with that smarmy leer in your eye. Try chewing your food an odd number of times this week, like 6,372. This week's lucky injuries: hangnail, hangankle, ruptured spleen, stabitosis.


Try again later.
Top Selling commune Paraphernalia
1.the commune's Book on Tape: Everyone's favorite verbose classic War & Peace printed in tiny type on the non-sticky side of a roll of Scotch tap
2.The "I Sued the commune for Libel and All I Got Was This Lousy Mug" Mug
3."Pin the Paternity Suit on Lil Duncan's Babydaddy" Home Game
4.Boris Utzov Guide of English Slang
5.Ivana Folger-Balzac. Please, somebody take Ivana Folger-Balzac.
Archives
Shop Till You Drop
Enjoying the shopping, the merchandise, the endless exchange of cash and the rampant exhaustive over-commercialization… but try not to forget the sugar plums. — A.D.... (12/8/03)

Sympathy for Devils
With the bombing of the British embassy in Turkey, terrorists are now striking targets in neighboring Islamic countries. What better way to win over your most potentially sympathetic audience than set off bombs next door! — Professor Jeremy... (11/24/03)

more