the commune

Rusty Klein

A Chicago restaurant paid $106,000 for the controversial playoffs ball that could have cost the Cubs a shot at the series. They claim they want to destroy the ball and put the misery to an end for all the teams' fans, but all we can say is someone else has made a big fat profit off of a ball that's already caused a lot of heartbreak for Cub fans. â€” Professor Jeremy Klein

Milestones

1854: Alfred, Lord TennysonÃs Ã¬Charge of the Light BrigadeÃ® is published, giving Rok Finger a polished piece of poetry to mangle when heÃs drunk.

Now Hiring

Treasury Secretary. Government position, includes benefits, pension, all federal holidays off. Responsibilities include advising on economic policies, having economic policies refused, and taking blame for failed economic policies. Ability to explain massive tax cuts in time of high military spending and unemployment a plus.

Top Pants-Missing Explanations

1.	Busted out Hulk-style
2.	Told one lie too many
3.	Busted out Louie Anderson-style
4.	What, aren't you hot?
5.	Talked out of them by gay Casanova
6.	Made ass look big
7.	Donated to killer mandroid from future
8.	Realized parachute pants went out of style in 1986
9.	Sat in ham
10.	You kidding? Pants are so 2002

Shop Till You Drop
Enjoying the shopping, the merchandise, the endless exchange of cash and the rampant exhaustive over-commercializationâ€¦ but try not to forget the sugar plums. â€” A.D.... (12/8/03)

Sympathy for Devils
With the bombing of the British embassy in Turkey, terrorists are now striking targets in neighboring Islamic countries. What better way to win over your most potentially sympathetic audience than set off bombs next door! â€” Professor Jeremy... (11/24/03)