Glass I

by Danson Macrane

December 22, 2003

I once had a glass I
and in case you're reading this
out loud to someone
I feel the need to clarify.

Not a glass eye
as in an eyeball made of glass,
a creepy hazel doodad
staring frozen in impasse.

Nor some tricky
eye-sized marble
clenched within your skull cavity,
designed expressly by the glass man to mask your deformity.

But rather an entire me made of glass.
Hands, wrists and ass.
All stunningly in proportion and accurate in mass.

This is no lie,
I'm loathe of jest.
Merely something I felt an inkling to get finally off my chest.

It was a sight to behold
and a feeling to be holding,
this pellucid Botticelli was like paradise unfolding.

It was stunning in the sun
and just as beauteous at night,
when we did hit the town we were an ostentatious sight.

I and I would dance
beneath a chandelier of stars,
striking hearts with envy like a pair of live Renoirs.

Some would ask to cut in-
but none could turn this trick.
For to see me dance with another would surely cut me to the quick.

I and I would dance
as the others' envy-ridden eyes
were reflected in the silky, glowing, luminous face of I's.

And every night we'd go home
for a rub-down and Windex bath.
Such a propensity for showing fingerprints, no mere mortal hath.

Like a glorious lucent ice swan
who'd never melt into the punch,
I was lucky to have I, and I knew as much.

Which is why it stung a bitter sting
-that shattering affair-
I'll see it live in infamy,
the night I was dropped down the stairs!

Tumbling gracefully in a dive
a sight I won't soon forget.
Nor the sound as I hit the ground and exploded, I regret.

T'was fate I guess
Oh God the mess!
My rancor it commands.

And what's the worse
to this day I curse
my popcorn butter-coated hands!

Quote of the Day

“A man cannot serve two masters. Unless they are both kung fu masters, in which case he'd better do his damned best. At least until they kill each other in a spectacular bloody finale.”

-Rod Godd

Fortune 500 Cookie

Fine, the stars won't kill you with cancer like they previously promisedâ€¦ big baby. Time to face facts: Those laser discs you socked away are never going to go up in value. Sorry, girlfriend, no visit from the stork for you, but you will get a postcard from a half-crazed seagull. Lucky Sean Penn films: Hurly Burly, Dead Man Walking, I Am Sam, and Supreme Blow-Jobs XXVI.

Try again later.

Top Unrevealed Bush Tax Cut Benefits

1.	Paper currency disintegrates upon touching hands of lower classes
2.	Top 1 percent of wealth holders can legally eat cloned dinosaur
3.	Five new interns approved for every Democrat who votes for cuts
4.	Third Star Wars movie legally required to be drastic improvement
5.	Millions of tax dollars refunded to rich; T-shirts for poor

Lonely Cloud
I wandered lonely as a cloud, it was Halloween and I had about sixty pounds of cotton glued to my leotards. And nobody wanted to trick or treat with a kid who was dressed up like a that. Needless to say, being seven sucked bad. The stars... (12/8/03)

The Raccoon Killer
On golden gilded lapis lazuli the gnome was homely, old and plain. Byzantine tattoos on his brain made him think the world insane. "Lichens liken to Vicodin dreamsâ€¦ rolled oats, old goats, matriarchs." A Chicano girl named Rosa Parks ... (11/24/03)

Chase the Weasel
All around the Crunchberry bowl the monkey chased the weasel. The monkey thought it was fuckin' funny until "POP!" goes the weasel! The fucking weasel exploded, I'm not kidding. It was fuckin' raunchy. Up and down the hallway stairs ... (11/10/03)