![]() Lonely Cloudby Laurence Trundle Lawrence ![]() ![]() December 8, 2003 I wandered lonely as a cloud,
it was Halloween and I had about sixty pounds of cotton glued to my leotards. And nobody wanted to trick or treat with a kid who was dressed up like a that. Needless to say, being seven sucked bad. The stars shone down like Christmas lights all flashing in crazy sequences that made me nauseous and I got sick on the tree stand. That was on Christmas, but the stars made me sick like that too. If there'd been a tree stand there I can't say I wouldn't have sicked on it but that would have been pretty weird to see on Halloween unless it was holding up a pumpkin tree or something. So to recap, I was a lonely seven-year-old cloud and I almost barfed. But then I saw a shitload of flowers like at least seven possibly more. And I thought of how if I ate all those flowers maybe I could fly. Hey, I was seven. But then this guy in a wife-beater popped out his door and started yelling about how he was going to punt my little ass across the street if I didn't stop eating all his flowers. So I hauled ass fastly as a cloud that doesn't want to get its ass kicked by a bigger cloud and ran all the way to my cloud house. But even now, when huger pangs sometimes I think of having a flower burrito or something. When the florist has his back turned Quick! Hey screw you, man I never liked your flower shop anyway. Milestones1931: Former commune columnist Sampson L. Hartwig forfeits another "Race Around the World" when it is discovered that he merely hid in a barn for three days, then took a taxi in from the opposite side of town, claiming victory.Now HiringCompulsive Ass-Kisser. Shameless suck-up needed to boost general staff morale and cut down on work days lost to crippling depression. Total lack of discernment required. Insane "Never met a man I didn't like" attitude a plus.Least Popular Baby |
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3. | Scott Peterson |
4. | The King of Pop |
5. | Skullfuck |