10/24/26
All we are is ducks in the wind
|  Lonely Cloudby Laurence Trundle Lawrence   December 8, 2003 I wandered lonely as a cloud,
it was Halloween and I had about sixty pounds of cotton glued to my leotards. And nobody wanted to trick or treat with a kid who was dressed up like a that. Needless to say, being seven sucked bad. The stars shone down like Christmas lights all flashing in crazy sequences that made me nauseous and I got sick on the tree stand. That was on Christmas, but the stars made me sick like that too. If there'd been a tree stand there I can't say I wouldn't have sicked on it but that would have been pretty weird to see on Halloween unless it was holding up a pumpkin tree or something. So to recap, I was a lonely seven-year-old cloud and I almost barfed. But then I saw a shitload of flowers like at least seven possibly more. And I thought of how if I ate all those flowers maybe I could fly. Hey, I was seven. But then this guy in a wife-beater popped out his door and started yelling about how he was going to punt my little ass across the street if I didn't stop eating all his flowers. So I hauled ass fastly as a cloud that doesn't want to get its ass kicked by a bigger cloud and ran all the way to my cloud house. But even now, when huger pangs sometimes I think of having a flower burrito or something. When the florist has his back turned Quick! Hey screw you, man I never liked your flower shop anyway. Quote of the Day“The Devil finds work for idle hands. It's all part-time clerical work, but the pay is kick-ass. The Devil is no longer hiring for assembly work.”-Ted's Big Book of Bible Fortune 500 CookieThis week you'll finally get that pot to piss in, but before you start unzipping, we should warn you it's second-hand. Turn on, tune in, and drop out—you've missed too many days in that computer programming class. Look for a bright-eyed Aries to take away all your troubles when she shoots you in the throat. Lucky scams this week: Pyramid, carnival ring toss, Florida voter roll purges, and it's okay, I had a vasectomy.Try again later. Least Popular Baby |
| 1. | Katrina |
| 2. | Gigli |
| 3. | Scott Peterson |
| 4. | The King of Pop |
| 5. | Skullfuck |
The Raccoon Killer
On golden gilded lapis lazuli the gnome was homely, old and plain. Byzantine tattoos on his brain made him think the world insane. "Lichens liken to Vicodin dreams… rolled oats, old goats, matriarchs." A Chicano girl named Rosa Parks ... (11/24/03)
Chase the Weasel
All around the Crunchberry bowl the monkey chased the weasel. The monkey thought it was fuckin' funny until "POP!" goes the weasel! The fucking weasel exploded, I'm not kidding. It was fuckin' raunchy. Up and down the hallway stairs ... (11/10/03)
Deuce
slapped so hard his beak was loose. But Bruce and Luce they called truce, and drank a can of blue moose juice. The goose he drank it through a sluice. Norman Snoran, small recluse, lives deep inside a red caboose. He's solitary, one... (10/27/03)
On golden gilded lapis lazuli the gnome was homely, old and plain. Byzantine tattoos on his brain made him think the world insane. "Lichens liken to Vicodin dreams… rolled oats, old goats, matriarchs." A Chicano girl named Rosa Parks ... (11/24/03)
Chase the Weasel
All around the Crunchberry bowl the monkey chased the weasel. The monkey thought it was fuckin' funny until "POP!" goes the weasel! The fucking weasel exploded, I'm not kidding. It was fuckin' raunchy. Up and down the hallway stairs ... (11/10/03)
Deuce
slapped so hard his beak was loose. But Bruce and Luce they called truce, and drank a can of blue moose juice. The goose he drank it through a sluice. Norman Snoran, small recluse, lives deep inside a red caboose. He's solitary, one... (10/27/03)
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.