The Raccoon Killerby Violet Tiara ![]() November 24, 2003 On golden gilded lapis lazuli
the gnome was homely, old and plain. Byzantine tattoos on his brain made him think the world insane. "Lichens liken to Vicodin dreams… rolled oats, old goats, matriarchs." A Chicano girl named Rosa Parks mumbled something in the dark. "I am the Duke of lukewarm duke," he tried the title on for size. Mercury tears welled up in his eyes, round and hot like blueberry pies. "I am the size of the simpleton skies?" he ventured a stab at identity. A raccoon laughed down from a tree remembering something he saw on TV. "It is no use, I have no use, I'm decidedly uninteresting." Bees flew by, to sting something more interesting than he. The sun went down like a hooker on a clown and the night gave the gnome no relief. He sat in the dark with his lack of a spark as the raccoon teased "Where's the beef?" And the morning was the same as the frogs called his name and the dragonflies dragged things about. The crickets sang a song and the raccoon hummed along as the gnome thumbed all of his nose hairs in doubt. By the noontime it was bright as the land was drenched in light but in darkness the gnome sat darkly in despair The raccoon said while yawning the gnome held no hope of spawning "And by the way you are losing your hair." Something snapped and in the shock the gnome bent and picked a rock which with a mighty flinging fling he flung it. And when all was done and said the raccoon was stone dead before the gnome had really realized he'd done it. Seeing the raccoon lying stiff though did not cause a tear of whiff inside the gnome who rather felt quite cheery. For he'd found it, don't you see? Finally found a thing to be. "Raccoon Killer? Now that doesn't sound so dreary!" Quote of the Day“I can't quit you babe… you got me locked into a 24-month exclusive contraaaaact… oh yes you do oh yes you do… your early termination fees are givin' me the blues… I been on hold so long baby now so long now ba-by yeah… I know you're on the line with a-nother man and it's breakin my heeeeart in two…”-Naked Mole Rat Jefferson Fortune 500 CookieYou will find true love this week, but you'll return it because it smells funny. Try using words like "adage" and "usage" less frequently; you think it makes you sound smart, everybody else thinks you're turning into Pauly Shore. Don't hesitate to fire blindly into a crowd of strangers this week: hesitation can be deadly. This week's lucky trucks: ice cream, any variety being washed by bikini babes, Gaelic Motors' 4WD Clover, any whose manufacturers don't run commercials claiming they're "like Iraq."Try again later. Top 5 commune Features This Week
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