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04/17/25   
Smells like teen spirit, mixed with cat piss


Rusty Klein

With the bombing of the British embassy in Turkey, terrorists are now striking targets in neighboring Islamic countries. What better way to win over your most potentially sympathetic audience than set off bombs next door! — Professor Jeremy Klein










Quote of the Day
“I am the very model of a modern major general. Perhaps this explains my inability to move my limbs and the pungent smell of airplane glue.”

-Gilgamesh Sullivan
Fortune 500 Cookie
You will get kicked in the balls for a good cause this week. Expect a telephone call from a long forgotten friend today—your split personality from Belgium. Lose the mustache, that "Hitler" look is so 1997. This week's stomach-pump jackpot: $20 in loose change, long-lost stash, grandma's favorite knitting needles, Nerds.


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Archives
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