the commune

A.D. Enemy

Promising candidate Gen. Wesley Clark this week said good-bye to departing campaign manager Donnie Fowler, whose grass-roots efforts helped bring Clark into the presidential race. Fowler cited tension between recent Gore campaign managers hired onto staff, and worried the new additions are robbing Clark of his "outsider" approach to the campaign. Will the ghost of Gore doom the Democrats' new contender? â€” A.D. Enemy

Milestones

2002: commune staffer writes this Ã¬MilestonesÃ® blurb, causing time to fold in on itself and destroy the universe.

Now Hiring

Charles Bronson. Experienced Charles Bronson needed to pull off some Deathwish-style menacing to scare off Ivana Folger-Balzac once and for all. Five years Charles Bronson experience minimum. Please provide references, and filmography.

Top 5 Reasons There's No Way That Asshole Can Win the Republican Nomination

1.	Too crazy/not crazy enough/not the right kind of crazy
2.	Makes swing voters shit blood at the sound of his/her name
3.	Once snorted cocaine off the belly of an underage Thai hooker who believes in big government
4.	Has been photographed not trying to kill Obama with their bare hands
5.	Can read

Telemarketing... Free Speech?!?
Federal justices believe a "do not call" list infringes on free speech as described in the Constitution? These guys have probably never been subjected to "free speech" at home during the dinner hour. Between these recent rulings and the debacle with... (9/29/03)

How I Won the War on Terror
Contrary to popular opinion, the president assures us it can be wonâ€”and it doesn't even take peace negotiations, concessions, or changing the way we conduct business around the planet! It just requires one more check. â€” A.D.... (9/15/03)