the commune

A.D. Enemy

Promising candidate Gen. Wesley Clark this week said good-bye to departing campaign manager Donnie Fowler, whose grass-roots efforts helped bring Clark into the presidential race. Fowler cited tension between recent Gore campaign managers hired onto staff, and worried the new additions are robbing Clark of his "outsider" approach to the campaign. Will the ghost of Gore doom the Democrats' new contender? â€” A.D. Enemy

Milestones

1992: Ramon Nootles is married in Las Vegas. It is not the last wedding for Nootles, nor his last in Las Vegas, nor his last making heavy use of alcohol and strippers.

Now Hiring

Hooker. Must pretend to be girlfriend while bosses are visiting. Live with handsome bachelor, no sex involved, go on crazy shopping expeditions with high potential for comedy. Should be capable of winning people over with down-to-earth personality. If successful, will go on to become full-time beard for obviously gay attractive man.

Least-Popular Halloween Handouts

1.	Jesus Tarts
2.	Sock full of pennies
3.	Shnuckers; like Snickers, but filled with delicious Shmucker's jam
4.	Asked to open bag, close eyes; smart-ass farts into sack
5.	Everlasting Never-Ending Irradiated Gobstopper

Telemarketing... Free Speech?!?
Federal justices believe a "do not call" list infringes on free speech as described in the Constitution? These guys have probably never been subjected to "free speech" at home during the dinner hour. Between these recent rulings and the debacle with... (9/29/03)

How I Won the War on Terror
Contrary to popular opinion, the president assures us it can be wonâ€”and it doesn't even take peace negotiations, concessions, or changing the way we conduct business around the planet! It just requires one more check. â€” A.D.... (9/15/03)