05/19/26
A tick on the Internet
|  Radiation Plantationby Winston C. Mars   October 13, 2003 "Radiation Plantation,"
I spoke the information. "Scott?" Scott blew snot on a pink carnation. "Ready the gammaram, and prepare for floatation." "Aye aye, captain," he replied as he spied a crustacean. So at last we'd found it, in the deepest of space! This holiest of grails, the prey in our chase… Who'd have believed it! Real, and true? Nobody! But you were all wrong! And screw you! Pausing to blink in the thick radiation, I surveyed the scene with a keen adulation. The orange peaks protruding from a backdrop so drab— "Scott, now goddammit! Don't kick that space crab!" Christ! On the cusp of a discovery so vast it would make the wheel itself seem half-assed, I was cursed with a first mate so wantonly inept that I put down my somascope and wantonly wept! No good! No use! Might as well pack it in! My half-life had been wasted, chucked in the waste bin. Twenty long years been spent in pursuit… Now the ass of my dreams was being kicked with a boot! The free energy here could boggle the brain, with atomic atoms and radiant rain. It could power a nation and make a man rich. "Scott, stop rolling around in that space ditch!" It's useless, it's hopeless! It's patently absurd! There he is throwing rocks at a space bird! A competent crewman would be my salvation. Oh, I picked the wrong weekend to ask for visitation! "What is it now Scott? Can't you see I'm distraught? With no way to prove that I was here or not? The mission's a failure, no one will believe that I ever found this place. Now let's us just leave!" "You found me a present, well yippie and woo-hoo. Wait, this is the space shell of a radiant shrew! It's only found here… our failure undone! Oh what a genius I have for a son!" Quote of the Day“It is a wise man who makes a career of providing quotes, for the dollar-to-word ratio is fantastic. Eat your heart out, novelists.”-Beenjammin Lynn-Frank Fortune 500 CookieYou! In the yellow shirt! You’re going to have an awful week. Move along now. This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, but your lifetime ban from the municipal aquarium still applies. Those repressed childhood memories you’ve been having about animal abuse and a shady-looking construction site? That was Donkey Kong. Try eating something with at least 17 letters in it this week: mailboxes and Alpha-Bits don’t count. Your lucky dong accessories: ornaments, jingle bells, argyle cock sock, festive wreath, racing stripe, spare donut.Try again later. Top 5 commune Features This Week
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Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.