The Insomnia of Ransom Ripple

by Ulysses P. Crackbutter

September 29, 2003

Ransom Ripple's twisted nipples
kept him from his sleep.
The night was long,
as Ransom's thong
straight up his ass would creep.

An incessant dripping
at his ears was nipping,
as it echoed from the sink.
"This noisy room
will be my doom!"
was all that he could think.

The words to a song,
like a clanging gong,
rang and jiggled his brain.
"This tune will be
the death of me!"
he was heard to complain.

He counted sheep,
then counted Jeep,
then counted jellybeans.
But then he remembered
once being dismemberedâ€¦
"I wonder what that means?"

Ransom Ripple's toe was crippled
and he had to pee.
His nose did whistle
like an incoming missile,
And he thought "God please kill me!"

But just when he'd conceded
that he'd get no sleep that he needed,
and resigned himself to silently weepâ€¦
the strangest thing happened.

He dropped off into a nap and
dreamt that he couldn't fall asleep.

Quote of the Day

“There's more than one way to skin a cat. But only one reason: cat skin tacos.”

-Emil the Lonely Chef

Fortune 500 Cookie

You will become unbearably wealthy this week, and pen a beautifully-written suicide note. Donkey meat tastes just like chicken, but don't leave the hooves on unless you want your dinner guests seriously freaking out on you. This week's lucky swear words: fafuck, dickfish, shatly, bitcheese, cashit, cabbageass, shitch.

Try again later.

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4.	How Stella Left Her Groove Under the Seat on the Plane Ride Back by Terry McMillan
5.	Fight Club by Jerry Springer

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Waiter!
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What Holds It All Together
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