the commune

A.D. Enemy

Contrary to popular opinion, the president assures us it can be wonâ€”and it doesn't even take peace negotiations, concessions, or changing the way we conduct business around the planet! It just requires one more check. â€” A.D. Enemy

Milestones

131 B.C.: Roman inventor Pontius creates love accidentally while trying to come up with a perfume that staves off homosexuality. Anyone who disagrees, we invite them to tell us who created love then.

Now Hiring

Barber. Staff barber sought to keep heads neat and trim, faces clean shaven, and reduce hippieness by at least 30%. Own scissors and weird Vitalis smell a plus. Controversial "tell-it-like-it-is" barbers need not apply.

Top 5 Smart New Weight Loss Tips

1.	Carbs are like the devilâ€™s penis: Delicious but fattening.
2.	After a workout, treat yourself to a tasty ice cube sandwich.
3.	Weigh yourself after masturbating. For guys, youâ€™ll be a little bit lighter. For the ladies, you wonâ€™t be so upset when you find out youâ€™re still fat.
4.	Youâ€™re never going to lose any weight if you insist on eating every single day.
5.	At-home liposuction is the third-easiest surgery to perform on yourself at home, after heart valve roto-rootering and a cock transplant.

President Unnamed Democrat
Polls show that an unnamed Democratic candidate could beat Bush if the election were held todayâ€¦. but polls say none of the nine Democratic candidates can win against Bush. It can't possibly be that Americans don't know what they want and only... (9/1/03)

The Best Politicians Money Can Buy
Comparing the California Governor recall race to a circus seems a little unfair. Circuses occasionally have a little dignity. â€” A.D.... (8/18/03)