04/17/26
It's like God... with almonds
|  Natureby Violet Tiara   September 15, 2003 Lovely limping little lepers
like to lick my Dr Pepper. Lice feel nice as honey-nuts buzz right up a buzzard's butt. Screaming beetles weave through weevils so rude they chewed all my Big League Chew. "Motherfucker!" go call Smuckers 'cause I just made some weevil jam. My own mother's been sending me Spam— Ma'am, I can only fry so much spiced ham! "Goddamn!" that ram likes Spam. "Get him a bib!" Shut up, I am. Nothing's as funny as Quakers in nature with big-ass hats and no coffee maker. Prepare to meet your maker, Quaker, those bears can smell that you're a faker. Butterflies ring septic skies like jellied lies at Mai-Tai time. Dragonflies who thought it wise bob in my drink with drowning cries. "Nature's a reamed dream," screams a beam of impure light. "You bet your bed on a cock fight, so you've got no right to prophesize." Carneys copulate with a cornucopia… This is a sorry excuse for Ethiopia! Piss on this, I declare that nature is bunk! And it smells like somebody puked on a skunk. Camping with carneys and Quakers? A fool's proposition! Now get me the hell out of here— and don't spare the ammunition! Milestones1853: The snorkel is invented, leading indirectly to the conception of commune reporter Lil Duncan several years later. STD specialists from the CDC would eventually send a robot back in time in an attempt to prevent this chain of events from occurring, but tragically this move caused the Short Circuit franchise of films in the 1980's instead.Now HiringMidwife Crisis. Not entirely sure what this is, but the guys thought it would be funny. So… Hmm. Uh… well, if you have experience delivering babies in a dramatic and dangerous fashion, then I suppose you should dust off your résumé. No freaks please.Unlikeliest Candidates for New Pope
 Waiter! "A ball bearing wearing ranch dressing blessing Blanche's wedding? Upsetting," Ted grieved as he weaved his sleeve. "Hey, what did you say?" Nate was late. "Speak up toward my head, Ted." "Whose blues did Louis use?" Ted said. "Choose? I... (9/1/03) What Holds It All Together I'm careful with my stapler-- I use it when I have to, but I try not to be wasteful, lest the staples disappear I rarely use my Scotch tape; most things have to be stapled. I use paperclips aplenty, but my tape might last all year The... (8/18/03) Wet the Ted Loosely Ted did wet the bed, though none of the neighbors could hear. Not even when Teddy, his day wrecked already, wet the pillow with one salty tear. The bedroom was silent while in calculations violent Theodore did ponder his fate.... (8/4/03)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.