the commune

A.D. Enemy

Polls show that an unnamed Democratic candidate could beat Bush if the election were held todayâ€¦. but polls say none of the nine Democratic candidates can win against Bush. It can't possibly be that Americans don't know what they want and only what they don't want, so then what's the solution? Of course, run one of our leading unnamed Democratic candidates! â€” A.D. Enemy

Milestones

1992: Ramon Nootles is married in Las Vegas. It is not the last wedding for Nootles, nor his last in Las Vegas, nor his last making heavy use of alcohol and strippers.

Now Hiring

Hooker. Must pretend to be girlfriend while bosses are visiting. Live with handsome bachelor, no sex involved, go on crazy shopping expeditions with high potential for comedy. Should be capable of winning people over with down-to-earth personality. If successful, will go on to become full-time beard for obviously gay attractive man.

Top 5 Reasons There's No Way That Asshole Can Win the Republican Nomination

1.	Too crazy/not crazy enough/not the right kind of crazy
2.	Makes swing voters shit blood at the sound of his/her name
3.	Once snorted cocaine off the belly of an underage Thai hooker who believes in big government
4.	Has been photographed not trying to kill Obama with their bare hands
5.	Can read

The Best Politicians Money Can Buy
Comparing the California Governor recall race to a circus seems a little unfair. Circuses occasionally have a little dignity. â€” A.D.... (8/18/03)

My Big Fat Illegal Gay Wedding
It's a shame homosexual lobbies are using celebrity power like Richard Chamberlin and Melissa Etheridge to promote their ridiculous agenda of gay marriage, while opponents have to make due with meager politicians and wealthy religious figures. â€”... (8/4/03)