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01/12/26   
We'll put this sword away when you tell us where the monkey is


A.D. Enemy

Polls show that an unnamed Democratic candidate could beat Bush if the election were held today…. but polls say none of the nine Democratic candidates can win against Bush. It can't possibly be that Americans don't know what they want and only what they don't want, so then what's the solution? Of course, run one of our leading unnamed Democratic candidates! — A.D. Enemy










Quote of the Day
“It is a wise man who makes a career of providing quotes, for the dollar-to-word ratio is fantastic. Eat your heart out, novelists.”

-Beenjammin Lynn-Frank
Fortune 500 Cookie
You! In the yellow shirt! You’re going to have an awful week. Move along now. This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, but your lifetime ban from the municipal aquarium still applies. Those repressed childhood memories you’ve been having about animal abuse and a shady-looking construction site? That was Donkey Kong. Try eating something with at least 17 letters in it this week: mailboxes and Alpha-Bits don’t count. Your lucky dong accessories: ornaments, jingle bells, argyle cock sock, festive wreath, racing stripe, spare donut.



Try again later.
5 Ways to Spend Your $208 Million Lottery Jackpot
1.Finance own album of you singing Broadway standards; pay people to buy it
2.Invest heavily in million-dollar ducks
3.Buy a car for everyone you know, something they could all fit in at once
4.Spend 208 nights with Demi Moore
5.Fund grassroots pro-President Bush campaigns
Archives
The Best Politicians Money Can Buy
Comparing the California Governor recall race to a circus seems a little unfair. Circuses occasionally have a little dignity. — A.D.... (8/18/03)

My Big Fat Illegal Gay Wedding
It's a shame homosexual lobbies are using celebrity power like Richard Chamberlin and Melissa Etheridge to promote their ridiculous agenda of gay marriage, while opponents have to make due with meager politicians and wealthy religious figures. —... (8/4/03)

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