You need a newer browser.

05/20/26   
Like group sex without the awkward laughter


A.D. Enemy

Polls show that an unnamed Democratic candidate could beat Bush if the election were held today…. but polls say none of the nine Democratic candidates can win against Bush. It can't possibly be that Americans don't know what they want and only what they don't want, so then what's the solution? Of course, run one of our leading unnamed Democratic candidates! — A.D. Enemy










Milestones
2001: Bogus office psychic Mazie the chicken predicts radical arab terrorists will attack giant silver towers and a military stronghold on Sept. 10th. An angry Red Bagel eventually takes away her predictions column.
Now Hiring
Nanny. Traditional English dress and accent required, none of that rough Brooklyn flower bullshit. Strong musical training and good voice a must. Should be able to rhyme easily, even if only creating nonsensical words in most of songs. We provide spoonfuls of sugar and medicine, as well as company umbrella. Three references needed.
Top Enduring 2004 Election Scandals
1.Bush didn't really win; they forgot to count the comatose vote
2.Identical twins voted twice, ignoring "1 Face, 1 Vote" principle
3.Every 13th vote discarded as "unlucky"
4.Too many precincts used antiquated paper ballots
5.Too many precincts used newfangled electric voting machines
6.10,000 Florida voters cast ballots for dead man: John Kerry
7.Too many military absentee ballots were marked for Bush: Now that's just stupid
8.No paper trail for southern state "applause-o-meter" polling technique
9.Oh sweet Jesus, Bush really won!
10.Eskimos kept away from polls by sheer geography
Archives
The Best Politicians Money Can Buy
Comparing the California Governor recall race to a circus seems a little unfair. Circuses occasionally have a little dignity. — A.D.... (8/18/03)

My Big Fat Illegal Gay Wedding
It's a shame homosexual lobbies are using celebrity power like Richard Chamberlin and Melissa Etheridge to promote their ridiculous agenda of gay marriage, while opponents have to make due with meager politicians and wealthy religious figures. —... (8/4/03)

more