the commune

A.D. Enemy

Comparing the California Governor recall race to a circus seems a little unfair. Circuses occasionally have a little dignity. â€” A.D. Enemy

Milestones

1931: Former commune columnist Sampson L. Hartwig forfeits another "Race Around the World" when it is discovered that he merely hid in a barn for three days, then took a taxi in from the opposite side of town, claiming victory.

Now Hiring

Compulsive Ass-Kisser. Shameless suck-up needed to boost general staff morale and cut down on work days lost to crippling depression. Total lack of discernment required. Insane "Never met a man I didn't like" attitude a plus.

Top 10 Deciding Issues for the Election

1.	Germany's been getting cocky lately
2.	Always vote for the guy who wins
3.	President should be able to take a punch
4.	Do I look fat in these jeans?
5.	Search Iraq for WMD, OMD, and REM

My Big Fat Illegal Gay Wedding
It's a shame homosexual lobbies are using celebrity power like Richard Chamberlin and Melissa Etheridge to promote their ridiculous agenda of gay marriage, while opponents have to make due with meager politicians and wealthy religious figures. â€”... (8/4/03)

War's Happening
He's a formerly well-respected European leader, and a pansy allegedly left-wing neat freak! He's an uptight American conservative with a double-digit IQ and a contempt for the Constitution! Together, they have sold two countries a badly-planned war... (7/21/03)