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06/30/25   
Your secretest Santa

What Holds It All Together

by E.L. Pout
bio/email
August 18, 2003
I'm careful with my stapler--
I use it when I have to,
but I try not to be wasteful,
lest the staples disappear

I rarely use my Scotch tape;
most things have to be stapled.
I use paperclips aplenty,
but my tape might last all year

The rubber bands are useful--
I find I use them daily.
Though binder clips are better,
I can't always find them here

Those paperclips I spoke of
could be the most important--
my need for them is greater
than you'd think; I hold them dear.


Quote of the Day
“God help them that help themselves to my lemony cookies, for they is to be sorrowing at the whup I be borrowing from they ass.”

-Benji "Cookie Monster" Franklin
Fortune 500 Cookie
Love is a relative term, but even that nugget won't save your ass if you pork your cousin. Stay away from salty snacks this week, even if it means tunneling underground. Try wearing your watch on the other arm—maybe that's your problem. This week's lucky names: Alexia. Ephyn. Scatman. Toolio.


Try again later.
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Archives
Wet the Ted
Loosely Ted did wet the bed, though none of the neighbors could hear. Not even when Teddy, his day wrecked already, wet the pillow with one salty tear. The bedroom was silent while in calculations violent Theodore did ponder his fate.... (8/4/03)

America the Beautifart
O beautiful farts stained the skies, For lumber made of brains, For purple Muppet maggot fleas A dove went fruity--GAY! America! America! God shaves his balls with thee. And this other dude Had a brother who'd Frenched a seal in the... (7/21/03)

Sleepwalkers
Sleeping deeply, Major Fleeping rose though no alarm was beeping and made a sandwich of apple cores, which he chewed between the snores. Incessantly talking while sleepwalking, Lazlo Dennis beat at tennis a regional club pro, who, you know, ... (7/7/03)

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