What Holds It All Together

by E.L. Pout

August 18, 2003

I'm careful with my stapler--
I use it when I have to,
but I try not to be wasteful,
lest the staples disappear

I rarely use my Scotch tape;
most things have to be stapled.
I use paperclips aplenty,
but my tape might last all year

The rubber bands are useful--
I find I use them daily.
Though binder clips are better,
I can't always find them here

Those paperclips I spoke of
could be the most important--
my need for them is greater
than you'd think; I hold them dear.

Milestones

1982: Rok Finger's scheduled sex change operation is cancelled when he's told the technology does not yet exist to change your sex from "Bone Dry in Death Valley" to "Gettin' Some."

Now Hiring

Goofus. Extreme cosmic fuck-up needed to offset commune staff as a whole boatload of Gallants. Pratfalls a plus. Strike that: Apparently we already filled this position with some Pludd guy months ago. Thought he was just an office in-joke, sorry.

Top Ways to Leave Your Lover

1.	Join Al-Qaeda
2.	Quit Al-Qaeda
3.	Mail self to Shanghai (unless from Shanghai)
4.	Singing Dump-o-Gram
5.	Blaze of Glory/Blaze of Lies

Wet the Ted
Loosely Ted did wet the bed, though none of the neighbors could hear. Not even when Teddy, his day wrecked already, wet the pillow with one salty tear. The bedroom was silent while in calculations violent Theodore did ponder his fate.... (8/4/03)

America the Beautifart
O beautiful farts stained the skies, For lumber made of brains, For purple Muppet maggot fleas A dove went fruity--GAY! America! America! God shaves his balls with thee. And this other dude Had a brother who'd Frenched a seal in the... (7/21/03)

Sleepwalkers
Sleeping deeply, Major Fleeping rose though no alarm was beeping and made a sandwich of apple cores, which he chewed between the snores. Incessantly talking while sleepwalking, Lazlo Dennis beat at tennis a regional club pro, who, you know, ... (7/7/03)