Wet the Ted

by Danson Macrane

August 4, 2003

Loosely Ted did wet the bed,
though none of the
neighbors could hear.
Not even when Teddy,
his day wrecked already,
wet the pillow with one salty tear.

The bedroom was silent
while in calculations violent
Theodore did ponder his fate.
Then spirit intravenous
did stoke up his genius
as he realized it wasn't too late.

He dressed in a flurry
as to indicate the hurry
and gathered his bed in a sack.
Then sneaking outside,
for neighbors he spied
as he hoisted the sack on his back.

He dashed to his Jeep
with the soiled wet heap
and flung it in the back with an grunt.
As it dropped with a slosh
nearby Ethel cried "Gosh!"
and Ted thought "I don't like that lady."

He drove to a Cliff
whose brother was Biff
and asked them if they'd stash this mess.
Cliff said no way
but he'd get the so say
of a far-away sister named Tess.

Instead Ted drove to The Dump,
which is the name that some chump
had given the neighborhood bar.
They turned Ted away
so he called upon Ray
who owned an abandoned old car.

Ray was too picky
to get his vinyl sticky
but he told poor Ted what to do.
"Write an email with the heading
'Please Help with Wet Bedding'
and sent it out to five million and two."

So Ted penned the Spam,
which was soon forwarded to Sam,
a copper assigned to the case.
The cops seized Ted's belongings,
which did satisfy his longings:
the peed sheets were removed from his place.

Quote of the Day

“I have not yet begun to finish my sentenâ€¦”

-John Paul Jones

Fortune 500 Cookie

Everythingâ€™s looking up this week, to avoid making eye contact with you. At long last it has become clear that your masterâ€™s degree in goat teasing was a total waste of time. Everyone knows sneezing into your sleeve is just good manners, you should try the same when you break wind. On the bright side, we showed a picture of you to a time-traveler who stopped by the office last week, and he said "Oh Jesus, that guy?" so apparently youâ€™re well-known in the future. This weekâ€™s lucky gadgets: HP iPlaid (launching next week on clearance), Samsung MySlate laptop-sized smartphone, iRobot Chippy: Autonomous Quadrotor Personal Killdrone, Sonicareless dental apathy kit, Windows 7 Phone in Bluescreen Blue.

Try again later.

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