America the Beautifart

by Mrs. Jabonski's Third Grade Class

July 21, 2003

O beautiful farts stained the skies,
For lumber made of brains,
For purple Muppet maggot fleas
A dove went fruity--GAY!
America! America!
God shaves his balls with thee.
And this other dude
Had a brother who'd
Frenched a seal in the slimy sea! Gross!

O beautiful Ford Pinto fire,
And beans that give dogs gas
And fat kids who eat ding dongs
Until they've got a King Kong ass!
America! America!
God shits some grapes on thee.
And stick your butt in a Pizza Hut,
Until they show it on TV!

O beautiful sick weasels peed,
On your grandma's electric fence.
When the smoke cleared the minivan
Was covered in weasel dents!
America! America!
God barfed his brains on thee.
The president kissed a pig for Lent
He thought was the Virgin Mary!

O beautiful retarded flies,
On a seasick lion's mane
For Mrs. Jabonski's bad trick knee
And her husband who is gay! (fruity)
America! America!
God waves his butt at thee.
For the Batmobile did lose a wheel
And the Joker got away! Hey!

Milestones

1750: Antonio Salieri, second-rate composer and eternal inspiration to the commune. His alleged murder of Mozart, as portrayed in Amadeus, forever encourages us in our war with Crochet! magazine.

Now Hiring

Stepchild. Just sit around and eat and drink me out of house and home without ever raising a finger. Hey, I'm talking to you, you little shit. There ain't no law says I got to be nice to you just 'cause I'm knocking boots with your mom.

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