America the Beautifart

by Mrs. Jabonski's Third Grade Class

July 21, 2003

O beautiful farts stained the skies,
For lumber made of brains,
For purple Muppet maggot fleas
A dove went fruity--GAY!
America! America!
God shaves his balls with thee.
And this other dude
Had a brother who'd
Frenched a seal in the slimy sea! Gross!

O beautiful Ford Pinto fire,
And beans that give dogs gas
And fat kids who eat ding dongs
Until they've got a King Kong ass!
America! America!
God shits some grapes on thee.
And stick your butt in a Pizza Hut,
Until they show it on TV!

O beautiful sick weasels peed,
On your grandma's electric fence.
When the smoke cleared the minivan
Was covered in weasel dents!
America! America!
God barfed his brains on thee.
The president kissed a pig for Lent
He thought was the Virgin Mary!

O beautiful retarded flies,
On a seasick lion's mane
For Mrs. Jabonski's bad trick knee
And her husband who is gay! (fruity)
America! America!
God waves his butt at thee.
For the Batmobile did lose a wheel
And the Joker got away! Hey!

Quote of the Day

“The good die first. Then, the not-so good. Then the ugly. Strike that, the ugly should die first. Can I start again? If there are any good left, don't kill them yet, we've still got some uglies over here.”

-Billiam Swordswart

Fortune 500 Cookie

The next time you give a dog as a gift, why don't you try poking some holes in the cellophane, ay handyman? Here's something to chew on: gum. Remember: you can't hurry love, but you can get your ass in motion when you're blocking the express lane, chunky. This week's lucky ducks: Donald, Daffy, Dontrelle, Fukka.

Try again later.

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