Sleepwalkers

by Chandra Hiccough

July 7, 2003

Sleeping deeply, Major Fleeping
rose though no alarm was beeping
and made a sandwich of apple cores,
which he chewed between the snores.

Incessantly talking while sleepwalking,
Lazlo Dennis beat at tennis
a regional club pro, who, you know,
was dreaming of sleeping in the snow.

Reginald Humphries was getting comfy
on the cowcatcher of a train
speeding toward the coast of Maine.
(He had lobster on the brain.)

Sundried laundry
presents a quandary
for a tomato-eating serf-in-waiting,
who until recently was dating
a school of trout he'd dreamt about.

Loosely-roostered farms were boosted
by the news that Simon Schustered
across the Atlantic in a biplane.
"Worst sleep of my life," he did complain.

The president, he did lament
waking up to sign a treaty
from a dream where he shared ice cream
and a sleeping bag with Ally Sheedy.

Texas Tony dreamt alimony
had been outlawed while he slept on his horse.
Which it had not been, but of course
while he dreamt this was the case.

But worst of all was Lowland Paul,
who dreamt he was naked at the mall.
The news that had poor Paul in a pall
was that he wasn't dreaming, not at all.

Quote of the Day

“I'd like to give the world a Coke, but they'd have to share it. Actually, all anyone can do is smell it, since most of the Coke will likely have evaporated by the time it gets all the way around the world. So here you go, world: Smell my Coke.”

-Dennis Freebasen

Fortune 500 Cookie

You're a real asshole when you're tired. Or rested. This is the week you're finally going to get pantsed for your sins. Try brushing your teeth with the other end of the brush this week: that fuzzy part's not the handle. This week's lucky things the dog wouldn't even eat: your hat on a bet, Tofutti Cuties, dog barf, Sam's Club Brand Dog Food, your homemade rhubarb pie.

Try again later.

Top-Grossing Documentaries

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2.	The Making of Anal Armageddon
3.	Thomas Kincade: Watch Me Shine
4.	The Making of Anal Armageddon 2: The Lost Footage
5.	More Kittens Batting at String

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