Sleepwalkersby Chandra Hiccough ![]() July 7, 2003 Sleeping deeply, Major Fleeping
rose though no alarm was beeping and made a sandwich of apple cores, which he chewed between the snores. Incessantly talking while sleepwalking, Lazlo Dennis beat at tennis a regional club pro, who, you know, was dreaming of sleeping in the snow. Reginald Humphries was getting comfy on the cowcatcher of a train speeding toward the coast of Maine. (He had lobster on the brain.) Sundried laundry presents a quandary for a tomato-eating serf-in-waiting, who until recently was dating a school of trout he'd dreamt about. Loosely-roostered farms were boosted by the news that Simon Schustered across the Atlantic in a biplane. "Worst sleep of my life," he did complain. The president, he did lament waking up to sign a treaty from a dream where he shared ice cream and a sleeping bag with Ally Sheedy. Texas Tony dreamt alimony had been outlawed while he slept on his horse. Which it had not been, but of course while he dreamt this was the case. But worst of all was Lowland Paul, who dreamt he was naked at the mall. The news that had poor Paul in a pall was that he wasn't dreaming, not at all. Milestones1996: Red Bagel fires entire commune staff during "Crazy Bagel's Everything Must Go Liquidation Madness" phase of the commune's August Sale-abration. Analysts praise Bagel for ridding his staff of junkies and losers, who he promptly replaces with the current batch of junkies and losers.Now HiringBloodhound. Needed to track down former commune staffer Smilin' Jack Costello, who disappeared in May, still owing $8 to the office petty cash fund. Smart dog needed who is not fooled by turbans or overly distracted by running foxes. Generous wages to be paid in beef kidneys.Top Cruel New Rumors
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