the commune

A.D. Enemy

Isn't it too bad everyone insists on protesting the administration in the middle of conflict? People should really wait until everything is fine and dandy before disagreeing with the president. â€” A.D. Enemy

Milestones

1931: Former commune columnist Sampson L. Hartwig forfeits another "Race Around the World" when it is discovered that he merely hid in a barn for three days, then took a taxi in from the opposite side of town, claiming victory.

Now Hiring

Compulsive Ass-Kisser. Shameless suck-up needed to boost general staff morale and cut down on work days lost to crippling depression. Total lack of discernment required. Insane "Never met a man I didn't like" attitude a plus.

Top 5 Issues for Next Supreme Court

1.	Official legal definition of "fucked up"
2.	Arrange long-awaited challenge of man versus beast
3.	Discount a minimum of ten urban legends
4.	Settle this Lindsey Lohan-Hilary Duff feud once and for all
5.	Reverse hundreds of years of progress

Hillary Potter
Watch the former First Lady magically distance herself from the White House scandals and make a viable presidential bid appear out of thin air! â€” A.D.... (6/23/03)

Abbas Road: Middle East Peace Talks
Copping the stance of great men doesn't make for great men. â€” A.D.... (6/9/03)