the commune

A.D. Enemy

Isn't it too bad everyone insists on protesting the administration in the middle of conflict? People should really wait until everything is fine and dandy before disagreeing with the president. â€” A.D. Enemy

Milestones

1996: Red Bagel fires entire commune staff during "Crazy Bagel's Everything Must Go Liquidation Madness" phase of the commune's August Sale-abration. Analysts praise Bagel for ridding his staff of junkies and losers, who he promptly replaces with the current batch of junkies and losers.

Now Hiring

Bloodhound. Needed to track down former commune staffer Smilin' Jack Costello, who disappeared in May, still owing $8 to the office petty cash fund. Smart dog needed who is not fooled by turbans or overly distracted by running foxes. Generous wages to be paid in beef kidneys.

Worst Country Songs Ever

1.	She Left Me for an African-American
2.	I Don't Feel Like Drinkin'
3.	Here's a Quarter, Go Buy Some Bubblegum
4.	What's the Capital of Tennessee Again?
5.	If Anyone Needs Me, I'll be Down at the Nail Salon
6.	Regretfulness is the Hardest Word to Spell
7.	Mama Didn't Raise No Episcopalians
8.	I'm So Lonesome I Could Call an Escort Service
9.	I Got This Hat on Sale
10.	You Mispronounced My Name for the Very Last Time

Hillary Potter
Watch the former First Lady magically distance herself from the White House scandals and make a viable presidential bid appear out of thin air! â€” A.D.... (6/23/03)

Abbas Road: Middle East Peace Talks
Copping the stance of great men doesn't make for great men. â€” A.D.... (6/9/03)