Learn About Rain

by Dixon LaRue

June 23, 2003

The rain falls wet like
sloppery skittles
from the mouth of a
stupid dog.

The beautiful rain,
it coats the trees
like sex lubricant.
But that's where
the rivers come from.

The rain slides down the trees
like sweat down the crack of your ass
and puddles on the ground
where a child could drown
if it were sleeping or hog-tied
or just plain stupid.

Those puddles slink
across the soil like creeping
wet things
to form creeks,
which conspire to form streams
which fuck together into rivers.

Rivers are like a freeway
of water drops,
all the drops cutting each
other off
and screaming profanely.
You can hear them.

But it's not like a freeway
because ducks can't float
on the freeway
or logs or alligators
with frogs on their backs.
Quick! Jump in the hole with the fly!
Where frog sex can occur
and the bonus round is secured.

The rain fills up the ocean and lakes,
but in the roundabout way,
like a drunk peeing on the wall,
instead of in the dixie cup you gave him.
Nature is like that dirty drunk.
That is the lesson.

Quote of the Day

“I'd like to give the world a Coke, but they'd have to share it. Actually, all anyone can do is smell it, since most of the Coke will likely have evaporated by the time it gets all the way around the world. So here you go, world: Smell my Coke.”

-Dennis Freebasen

Fortune 500 Cookie

You're a real asshole when you're tired. Or rested. This is the week you're finally going to get pantsed for your sins. Try brushing your teeth with the other end of the brush this week: that fuzzy part's not the handle. This week's lucky things the dog wouldn't even eat: your hat on a bet, Tofutti Cuties, dog barf, Sam's Club Brand Dog Food, your homemade rhubarb pie.

Try again later.

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