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09/27/26   
The Official Website of the 2003 Olympics


A.D. Enemy

Copping the stance of great men doesn't make for great men. — A.D. Enemy










Milestones
131 B.C.: Roman inventor Pontius creates love accidentally while trying to come up with a perfume that staves off homosexuality. Anyone who disagrees, we invite them to tell us who created love then.
Now Hiring
Barber. Staff barber sought to keep heads neat and trim, faces clean shaven, and reduce hippieness by at least 30%. Own scissors and weird Vitalis smell a plus. Controversial "tell-it-like-it-is" barbers need not apply.
Top Other Inventions by the Crash Test Dummy Creator
1.Self-ejecting canned corn
2.5-string bass
3.Hot Hands®, the cheapest, safest, easiest way to light your hands on fire
4.Crash Test Dummy Secret Base Playset (Figures sold separately)
5.Freshomatic, battery-powered freshness-testing meter
Archives
The Tax Cut
Congress has recently passed a $350 billion tax cut designed by President Bush to boost the economy, but can a cut that only adds to a ballooning federal deficit have any effect but to shake a nation's confidence in its government while saddling... (5/26/03)

Safter with Nukes?
Wherever you stand on the Bush presidency, the White House's encouragement that Congress lift a 10-year ban on small-scale nuclear weapons must at least seem short-sighted. Coming out of a war with a comparatively low body count where nuclear... (5/12/03)

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