The Color of My Blade Is Chartreuse

by Leslie Binkle

June 9, 2003

Who can compare
the green of a sunset
to the gray of a ham?
Or the scarlet water that trickles down
very nearly without a sound
as the brown sky spans overheadâ€¦
Have truer words been said?

The vivid purple blood
that gushes from a wound
is beautiful on the crimson grass
and the amber skin of an expiring lass.
Striking, like a baboon's blue ass.

When a black sunset burns your retinas to crust
as you admire the canary yellow of a marble bust
and remember all the other girls you've known
and how they never call when you sit home alone.

You know why the orange robin sings
as you bitterly eat the magenta pudding it stings
like a note from a lover penned in turquoise blood
like a body hitting the floor with a thud
or a heart cavity all encrusted with crud.

She never calls like she said she would
and she probably wouldn't even if she could
even if you hadn't chopped her like a violet lemon rind
after that bitch said you might be colorblind.

Quote of the Day

“It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that's completely impossible by the laws of physics and laughable to every sane person.”

-Mark Twaint

Fortune 500 Cookie

This is the week you finally snap. All those years spent strengthening your middle finger and thumb are really going to pay off big-time, playa. Try keeping your dehydrated mashed potato flakes and your dandruff collection in different-colored boxes this week, just in case that last date ever comes back. Oh, that autobiography you wrote in l33t? Yeah dude, nobody can read that shit. This week's lucky porn cameos: Jenna Jameson in the pilot of that awesome new Hoarders spin-off, Whoreders, Big Bird in Larry Bird: Big Bird, The Ghost of John Holmes in everything else you watch because you burnt that shit into your plasma, dumbass, and â€¦wait, Ron Jeremy in your wedding video? WTF?

Try again later.

Top Fake Names Used for Fraudulent Repeat Voting

1.	Reginald Bushsucks
2.	Jon Bon Jovi
3.	Sir Votesalot
4.	John Jacob Jesushammersshit
5.	Barack Obama

Mom
To stand under the eyes of mom the judging glare of mom To be shivered by hands of mom face like raisins of mom To be insulted the tongue of mom bitter questions of mom I have no job the truth to mom rent does not care ... (5/26/03)

Party Bus
Vincent Van Gogh where did you go? If you'd have just waited for me I'd have been your buddy. We could have got sandwiches and drove around in my van. That would've been pretty fun, sorry you missed it man. Ernest Hemmingway, you too... (5/12/03)

Up, Up and Away
Up, up and away in my beautiful balloon! Not a sound as I lift off the ground. Piss on you suckers and your ground-standing! Goddamn there sure are a lot of birds up here, and not just cute ones. I could swear some of these birds have... (4/28/03)