Mom

by Bartimere Gong

May 26, 2003

To stand under
the eyes of mom
the judging glare
of mom

To be shivered
by hands of mom
face like raisins
of mom

To be insulted
the tongue of mom
bitter questions
of mom

I have no job
the truth to mom
rent does not care
dear mom

Don't get me wrong
I love dear mom
the constant bitch
dear mom

One of these days I will have a million dollars
one of these days I will have a house on the hill
one of these days mom will need money for medicine
or clothes or food or shoes or walkers or old people things

I will give it to her
but not without a
lot of needling
dear mom

Quote of the Day

“May those who love us, love us, and those who don't love us, may God turn their hearts, and if he doesn't turn their hearts, may he fuck them up so I'll know not to trust cripples.”

-Old Irish Proverb, Jr.

Fortune 500 Cookie

That weird smell in the office: It's you, dude. Stay out of the sun this week at your doctor's request; he's tired of seeing you shirtless. This week's lucky prom dates: Mom's hot friend "Aunt" Chyniqua, Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig, a randomly selected pro wrestler, entire cast of Revenge of the Nerds, or six of the seven dwarves: Sneezy's got cancer.

Try again later.

Top Enduring 2004 Election Scandals

1.	Bush didn't really win; they forgot to count the comatose vote
2.	Identical twins voted twice, ignoring "1 Face, 1 Vote" principle
3.	Every 13th vote discarded as "unlucky"
4.	Too many precincts used antiquated paper ballots
5.	Too many precincts used newfangled electric voting machines
6.	10,000 Florida voters cast ballots for dead man: John Kerry
7.	Too many military absentee ballots were marked for Bush: Now that's just stupid
8.	No paper trail for southern state "applause-o-meter" polling technique
9.	Oh sweet Jesus, Bush really won!
10.	Eskimos kept away from polls by sheer geography

Party Bus
Vincent Van Gogh where did you go? If you'd have just waited for me I'd have been your buddy. We could have got sandwiches and drove around in my van. That would've been pretty fun, sorry you missed it man. Ernest Hemmingway, you too... (5/12/03)

Up, Up and Away
Up, up and away in my beautiful balloon! Not a sound as I lift off the ground. Piss on you suckers and your ground-standing! Goddamn there sure are a lot of birds up here, and not just cute ones. I could swear some of these birds have... (4/28/03)

Ray Manatino's Reworked Classics
Whose woods are these, I think I know. I think they belong To that guy named Joe Who lives down the street From Peggy and Ray And set his own pants On fire one day. He was sniffing lighter fluid In the dark When he lit a match And his... (4/14/03)