Party Bus

by Dickie Torberg

May 12, 2003

Vincent Van Gogh
where did you go?
If you'd have just waited for me
I'd have been your buddy.

We could have got sandwiches
and drove around in my van.
That would've been pretty fun,
sorry you missed it man.

Ernest Hemmingway,
you too guy.
I'm sure your shit got heavy
and made you want to write or cry.

But nothing a little Bicardi
couldn't have made go down smoother,
and a heart to heart
or trip down to the strip club with me and Luthor.

Plus sometimes when you're down
Playstation can be kind of fun.
That may sound silly but you'd be surprised.
That shit can cheer you up, son.

Sylvia Plath
you're another one.
I know you were a chick and all
but we coulda been tight, not like you was a nun.

I should get a big bus or something
go back in time and round up all you sad fuckers.
That would be one rockin' party bus
as long as you all weren't depressed at once.

I guess it just goes to show
no matter how bad the fuss
you don't know what's right around the corner.
Could be me and Luthor in the party bus.

Too bad y'all fucked up and missed it.

Quote of the Day

“Upon being stopped by the Customs Officer during my trip to America, he asked: 'Have you anything to declare?' I burst forward, telling him, 'Only my genius!' I was promptly beaten to a piteous pulp and subjected to a humiliating search. Needless to say, they found my weed.”

-Wildman Oscar

Fortune 500 Cookie

Love is a relative term, but even that nugget won't save your ass if you pork your cousin. Stay away from salty snacks this week, even if it means tunneling underground. Try wearing your watch on the other armâ€”maybe that's your problem. This week's lucky names: Alexia. Ephyn. Scatman. Toolio.

Try again later.

Top 5 Concessions to Iran for Freeing British Prisoners

1.	Give Iranian cricket team real shot at the World Cup
2.	Current prisoners traded for Ian MacKellen, who can hopefully deliver more convincing confession
3.	Just one more season of Ricky Gervais' The Office
4.	Three words: Spandau Ballet Reunion
5.	Stab at pissing off the second-largest military force in the West before taking on the biggest not as successful as expected

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Ray Manatino's Reworked Classics
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Curses
I curse you with the spirit of Ralhallah, for charging me this late fee, Blockbuster. The one-eyed stare of Tulanjabi will seal the fate of thee, cock-buster. And you, over there, you Jiffy Lube: I reserve for you the Pains of Urdubaas for... (3/31/03)