The President Needs a Wingman

To those of you, like critical sourpuss Sen. Robert Byrd, who chastise President Bush for dressing like an air force pilot and landing in a jet on an aircraft carrier to announce the Iraq war is over, I say this: Let he who has never copped a stance like a seasoned military vet and been chauffeured via jet to a political speech meant to further your position with the voters cast the first stone.

People love to pick on the president, and I should know since the commune used to be one of those people. And, I'll admit, back when I ran my struggling alternative news website www.poopoftheday.com I was on the Bush-bashing bandwagon. We were the first in our bandwith to report of the president's history of frivolous cocaine usage, his poor test scores and muddy academic record, and even the way he rigged the election by eliminating eligible black voters with fraudulent claims they were convicted felons. But what the heck! Let bygones be long gone, it's a new era and the people seem to like the second Bush more than the first, and I say the people are always right.

The fact is, Bush has waged an entirely successful war on Iraq for the benefit of the Iraqi people, and now the big fat jealous Democrats are coming out of the woodwork to nitpick the president to death. Saying he's exploiting the military and shamelessly electioneering his way to the 2004 campaign trail, and he looks like Iceman in that stupid flight suit.

Then they claim the Iraqi populace is already turning against us, and our plans for leadership are getting bogged down as the Bush administration tries to plant business-friendly candidates the people don't want as the new leadership. They even say there are no weapons of mass destruction found and that's the reason we went over there in the first place—you couldn't be wronger. We went over there for regime change, if you recall. I remember it plain as yesterday. Where do you get this weapons of mass destruction claptrap?

It's slightly possible that may have been one element of our reason for launching ground forces into Iraq, it's been a while since it started, but I'm pretty sure if you check the press records or ask the president he'll tell you the Iraqi people sent a secret coded message asking for our help. I think Saddam also sunk the Luisitania, I'll have to check Fox News for that one. But all of this is pointless needling of the president's plan, because weapons of mass destruction will be found. If not exactly in the Iraqi borders, they were no doubt dragged to Syria. We'll keep looking for the weapons before Saddam can continue to re-locate them, even if we have to look in Pakistan and India. No further than Russia, I'd say, unless that devious bastard hid them in Nebraska or something.

With a 60-70% approval rating, the president needs support now more than ever. There are powerful special interest groups just sniffing for any weakness they can find to take him down, special interests groups like hippies, environmental activists, black voters, or Susan Sarandon and Sean Penn. Don't cow-tow to these radicals. If they had their way, George W. Bush probably wouldn't even be president.

If you ask me, I think President Bush looked quite powerful in his flight suit and air force helmet. It's a shame he had to give the speech so quickly after his pilot landed, otherwise he could have stuck to the original plan, which I hear was to don a snappy sailor suit, which would have kicked ass to see. Sailor suits always make presidents look good. Plus, you put a dog next to him and he looks like the Cracker Jack mascot.

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