the commune

Rusty Klein

China lost even more credibility recently as a nation dedicated to the safety of its people. The rest of the world is now marking how China's attempts to hush up the outbreak of SARS not only put thousands of Chinese citizens at risk, possibly condemning some to the disease who would not have otherwise had it, it also left the rest of the world unprepared for the international outbreak. â€” Professor Jeremy Klein

Milestones

1996: Red Bagel fires entire commune staff during "Crazy Bagel's Everything Must Go Liquidation Madness" phase of the commune's August Sale-abration. Analysts praise Bagel for ridding his staff of junkies and losers, who he promptly replaces with the current batch of junkies and losers.

Now Hiring

Bloodhound. Needed to track down former commune staffer Smilin' Jack Costello, who disappeared in May, still owing $8 to the office petty cash fund. Smart dog needed who is not fooled by turbans or overly distracted by running foxes. Generous wages to be paid in beef kidneys.

QVC Top Sellers

1.	Edible Bacon Sleeping Mask
2.	Avocado Clock
3.	Big Bag 'o Cubic Zirconiums
4.	Electronic Feces Sniffer
5.	"Great Jews of the 60's" Trading Card Set

Kerry's Flip-Flop
Democratic presidential candidate and Senator John Kerry has come out harshly critical of the Bush administration, calling for a "regime change," using the president's anti-Iraq rhetoric against him. All fair and right, but the fact that Kerry... (4/14/03)

Bush Vs. the U.N.
Instead of seeking U.N. approval for the War with Iraq, the Bush administration has elected to move forward in defiance of worldwide protests. With very few allies in our aggression against Saddam Hussein, who is going to believe our claims of moral... (3/31/03)