the commune

Rusty Klein

China lost even more credibility recently as a nation dedicated to the safety of its people. The rest of the world is now marking how China's attempts to hush up the outbreak of SARS not only put thousands of Chinese citizens at risk, possibly condemning some to the disease who would not have otherwise had it, it also left the rest of the world unprepared for the international outbreak. â€” Professor Jeremy Klein

Milestones

1750: Antonio Salieri, second-rate composer and eternal inspiration to the commune. His alleged murder of Mozart, as portrayed in Amadeus, forever encourages us in our war with Crochet! magazine.

Now Hiring

Stepchild. Just sit around and eat and drink me out of house and home without ever raising a finger. Hey, I'm talking to you, you little shit. There ain't no law says I got to be nice to you just 'cause I'm knocking boots with your mom.

Least Popular April Fools' Pranks

1.	Entire world repopulated with talking dogs while you slept
2.	Autistic cousin did your taxes for you, but it turns out he's a music savant
3.	You're CNN's Kidnapper of the Week!
4.	Woke up covered in 200 glued-on toupees
5.	Anal rape

Kerry's Flip-Flop
Democratic presidential candidate and Senator John Kerry has come out harshly critical of the Bush administration, calling for a "regime change," using the president's anti-Iraq rhetoric against him. All fair and right, but the fact that Kerry... (4/14/03)

Bush Vs. the U.N.
Instead of seeking U.N. approval for the War with Iraq, the Bush administration has elected to move forward in defiance of worldwide protests. With very few allies in our aggression against Saddam Hussein, who is going to believe our claims of moral... (3/31/03)