Camembert is No Good

I know, it comes as a complete shock to me as well. It's probably in our American nature to assume that everybody feels the same as you do, that everyone shares the same values and the person you're talking to is not some sort of weirdo with a goofy opinion they're just waiting to drop on you. I feel the same way. I was so sure everyone around me believed in the same things as good ol' Rok Finger that I seldom allowed anyone to get a word in edge-wise. Imagine my surprise when I had a mouthful of peanut butter and Camembert used that moment to express outrageous dissent.

Of course the only thing that's been on the news lately is the War on Iraq. And I understand there are those who oppose the war, I have the news in my apartment. I can watch the footage and see the signs to know that some people disagree with our right to do whatever we want over there. But to know one of those weirdoes is sharing a roof with you, that was more than I could bear.

So we're watching this news broadcast and see all these nutjobs hanging out in New York City or some other exceptionally liberal city area with signs saying "War sucks." What kind of hootenanny philosophy are we teaching our young generations? But that's another diatribe for another column, probably a previous one. I'm watching all this and remark to Camembert, "What kind of hootenanny philosophy are we teaching our young generations? And in New York, alas, where the Iraqis bombed the Statue of Liberty."

"I think you're wrong, Rok," Camembert said to me. Do you believe the brass balls on that handi-capable prick? At first I thought it might be some kind of outright ploy for leadership of the apartment, then I realized his ilk probably doesn't believe in leadership. They just set up a council and everybody's on it and nobody ever gets told what to do. They have a name for that kind of government, you know. I just can't remember it.

Knowing all this doesn't help much. In fact, I was happier a few weeks ago when I was ignorant of Camembert's radical political views. To be fair, I haven't been really happy since before my wife tried to assassinate me.

Making it all the harder is the fact I haven't seen Lee since those Arab guys invited him to fight for freedom with them, he just packed up and ran off. He's always been pro-freedom, so that's no surprise. But even if I'm happy for Lee and his righteous group of new friends, that still just leaves me and Camembert alone in the place together. The three of us, including my cat Makeshift, but Makeshift is decidedly apolitical. She really only has an opinion on Friskies and tongue bathing, either way she's not going to get into this hot political debate between me and Chairman Camembert.

I suppose I've been reluctant to admit it, but it's high time I found my own place. I've thought about it before, sure, like when Camembert and Lee locked me out and told me to find somewhere else to live. But once I broke in again the idea slipped my mind. It's time to open that case up again, I'd say. I'll live with all sorts of people, no matter how different, as long as they're just like me. Accepting such a vastly different political idealist and his beliefs is just plain nuts to me.

It would be a good idea to get out soon, too. I'm getting tired of continuously talking to avoid him infecting me with his weirdo propaganda. Even Rok Finger has his diatribe limits.

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