![]() Ray Manatino's Reworked Classicsby Ray Manatino ![]() ![]() April 14, 2003 Whose woods are these,
I think I know. I think they belong To that guy named Joe Who lives down the street From Peggy and Ray And set his own pants On fire one day. He was sniffing lighter fluid In the dark When he lit a match And his pants caught a spark That scorched his scrotum And sizzled his jizz; That's who owns them. These woods are his. Monday's child is a creator of farce Tuesday's child has a stick up its arse Wednesday's child is hooked on blow Thursday's child always has to go Friday's child is unforgiving Saturday's child has to pimp for a living But the child that's born on the Sabbath day Is really and truly and flamboyantly gay Baa baa, black sheep, Have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, What the fuck do you think I'm wearing here? Does this look like polyester To you? Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Okay. A summer's day is warm and breezy. You're 98.6, and you've been known to pass a lot of wind. A summer's day is damp and humid. You sweat like Niagara Falls. A summer's day is soft and gentle, and you're very cushy around the middle. Also, you never yell when someone takes all your money. Finally, a summer's day is the perfect time for a trip to the beach. When I think of you, I want to drown myself. I guess you're really not much like a summer's day, are you? Quote of the Day“I am the very model of a modern major general. Perhaps this explains my inability to move my limbs and the pungent smell of airplane glue.”-Gilgamesh Sullivan Fortune 500 CookieYou're set loose and Fancy free, since your cat Fancy ran away. The girl checking you out at Safeway is indeed the lead singer of Deee-Lite. If one thing gets your goat, it's goat theft—consider a goat lock. Lucky Wilburys are Boo, Spike, and Lefty.Try again later. Top Regretted Dog Names
![]() Curses I curse you with the spirit of Ralhallah, for charging me this late fee, Blockbuster. The one-eyed stare of Tulanjabi will seal the fate of thee, cock-buster. And you, over there, you Jiffy Lube: I reserve for you the Pains of Urdubaas for... (3/31/03) Alphabet Soup Monday, March 17, 2003 Anemic anteaters from Azerbaijan bounce from brassieres and bark at batons. Cold-water codfish cause cramps in the colon of a dark-dimpled debutante named Deborah Dedolin. East of the egg factory, eyes can... (3/17/03) Scream, You Monkey Scream, you monkey like the wrath of all bananas was on your ass or like you just found out your Visa card was rejected. That's right, you ape with your little hat and jacket you thought you had it all figured out not so smug now, are... (3/3/03) ![]() ![]() ![]() |