![]() Ray Manatino's Reworked Classicsby Ray Manatino ![]() ![]() April 14, 2003 Whose woods are these,
I think I know. I think they belong To that guy named Joe Who lives down the street From Peggy and Ray And set his own pants On fire one day. He was sniffing lighter fluid In the dark When he lit a match And his pants caught a spark That scorched his scrotum And sizzled his jizz; That's who owns them. These woods are his. Monday's child is a creator of farce Tuesday's child has a stick up its arse Wednesday's child is hooked on blow Thursday's child always has to go Friday's child is unforgiving Saturday's child has to pimp for a living But the child that's born on the Sabbath day Is really and truly and flamboyantly gay Baa baa, black sheep, Have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, What the fuck do you think I'm wearing here? Does this look like polyester To you? Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Okay. A summer's day is warm and breezy. You're 98.6, and you've been known to pass a lot of wind. A summer's day is damp and humid. You sweat like Niagara Falls. A summer's day is soft and gentle, and you're very cushy around the middle. Also, you never yell when someone takes all your money. Finally, a summer's day is the perfect time for a trip to the beach. When I think of you, I want to drown myself. I guess you're really not much like a summer's day, are you? Quote of the Day“I have not yet begun to finish my senten…”-John Paul Jones Fortune 500 CookieEverything’s looking up this week, to avoid making eye contact with you. At long last it has become clear that your master’s degree in goat teasing was a total waste of time. Everyone knows sneezing into your sleeve is just good manners, you should try the same when you break wind. On the bright side, we showed a picture of you to a time-traveler who stopped by the office last week, and he said "Oh Jesus, that guy?" so apparently you’re well-known in the future. This week’s lucky gadgets: HP iPlaid (launching next week on clearance), Samsung MySlate laptop-sized smartphone, iRobot Chippy: Autonomous Quadrotor Personal Killdrone, Sonicareless dental apathy kit, Windows 7 Phone in Bluescreen Blue.Try again later. Top Box Office
![]() Curses I curse you with the spirit of Ralhallah, for charging me this late fee, Blockbuster. The one-eyed stare of Tulanjabi will seal the fate of thee, cock-buster. And you, over there, you Jiffy Lube: I reserve for you the Pains of Urdubaas for... (3/31/03) Alphabet Soup Monday, March 17, 2003 Anemic anteaters from Azerbaijan bounce from brassieres and bark at batons. Cold-water codfish cause cramps in the colon of a dark-dimpled debutante named Deborah Dedolin. East of the egg factory, eyes can... (3/17/03) Scream, You Monkey Scream, you monkey like the wrath of all bananas was on your ass or like you just found out your Visa card was rejected. That's right, you ape with your little hat and jacket you thought you had it all figured out not so smug now, are... (3/3/03) ![]() ![]() ![]() |