![]() by Roland McShyster ![]() ![]() April 14, 2003 Howdy howdy howdy America, as they used to say in the old three-man Westerns. We're here for another week of the viewin' and reviewin' good time you've come to know as Entertainment Police. Or, if you've been tuning in to our Spanish-language affiliate, Entertainmentalvo Policias Arriba Arriba!. We're back, and so is Hollywood with exhibits A-E in the "When did semi-retarded apes take over Hollywood?" trial. So without wasting any more time, let's take a crack at this week's movies before that tight-assed court reporter gets back from the john.
In Theaters Bend it Like Beck's Ham Probably the most surreal movie of the year so far, after Shaq's turn as an aspiring stewardess in A View from the Top, of course. Brain-scrambled folkamuffin Beck finally gets a chance to write and direct his own film, after his scripts for Dogfood Stamps and Papa Roach Motel Fire were turned down by the studios. This one definitely was the strongest script of the bunch, centering around the story of a disco-loving rump roast who coughs on Satan, instead of the rather far-fetched plots of the other two. I have to admit the film lost me a bit when the gummy bears hijacked the giant dancing robot and made him put on the golden pants, but I still had a good time.
Milestones1858: 26th president and idol of Red Bagel Teddy Roosevelt is born, only a month before Bagel's birth. We know technically this is impossible, but we didn't get cushy date-checking jobs by questioning the big man.Now HiringBounced Czech. Resume and references not necessary, any Czechoslovakian expatriate thrown out of a club will do. True, we don't really have any job for such a person to occupy, but wouldn't it be funny to say we have a bounced Czech on staff? Think about it.5 Worst Katrina-Related Headlines
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