![]() by Roland McShyster ![]() ![]() April 14, 2003 Howdy howdy howdy America, as they used to say in the old three-man Westerns. We're here for another week of the viewin' and reviewin' good time you've come to know as Entertainment Police. Or, if you've been tuning in to our Spanish-language affiliate, Entertainmentalvo Policias Arriba Arriba!. We're back, and so is Hollywood with exhibits A-E in the "When did semi-retarded apes take over Hollywood?" trial. So without wasting any more time, let's take a crack at this week's movies before that tight-assed court reporter gets back from the john.
In Theaters Bend it Like Beck's Ham Probably the most surreal movie of the year so far, after Shaq's turn as an aspiring stewardess in A View from the Top, of course. Brain-scrambled folkamuffin Beck finally gets a chance to write and direct his own film, after his scripts for Dogfood Stamps and Papa Roach Motel Fire were turned down by the studios. This one definitely was the strongest script of the bunch, centering around the story of a disco-loving rump roast who coughs on Satan, instead of the rather far-fetched plots of the other two. I have to admit the film lost me a bit when the gummy bears hijacked the giant dancing robot and made him put on the golden pants, but I still had a good time.
Quote of the Day“How does it feel? To be on your own? With no direction home? Not even an amber alert? And nobody's bound to look in this van, so keep quiet and just try to enjoy yourself.”-Bobby Molesterman, now doing 15-25 Fortune 500 CookieNobody thought it was funny when you said you snorted your dad's ashes, so it's best not to mention going bowling with your mom's skill—your first instinct was right, nobody gets your sense of humor. Tough love is not the only kind of love, except in prison, so you'd better learn to like it. Lucky Strikes—smoke 'em if you got 'em.Try again later. Least Popular |
1. | Fat kid re-enacting his favorite scenes from Citizen Kane |
2. | World of Warcraft online players expressing crippling loneliness they feel |
3. | Totally hot chick in skirt does routine car maintenance |
4. | Trailer for Julia Roberts' Mary Reilly 2 |
5. | Manson gets one side of Rubik's Cube all red |