![]() by Roland McShyster ![]() ![]() April 14, 2003 Howdy howdy howdy America, as they used to say in the old three-man Westerns. We're here for another week of the viewin' and reviewin' good time you've come to know as Entertainment Police. Or, if you've been tuning in to our Spanish-language affiliate, Entertainmentalvo Policias Arriba Arriba!. We're back, and so is Hollywood with exhibits A-E in the "When did semi-retarded apes take over Hollywood?" trial. So without wasting any more time, let's take a crack at this week's movies before that tight-assed court reporter gets back from the john.
In Theaters Bend it Like Beck's Ham Probably the most surreal movie of the year so far, after Shaq's turn as an aspiring stewardess in A View from the Top, of course. Brain-scrambled folkamuffin Beck finally gets a chance to write and direct his own film, after his scripts for Dogfood Stamps and Papa Roach Motel Fire were turned down by the studios. This one definitely was the strongest script of the bunch, centering around the story of a disco-loving rump roast who coughs on Satan, instead of the rather far-fetched plots of the other two. I have to admit the film lost me a bit when the gummy bears hijacked the giant dancing robot and made him put on the golden pants, but I still had a good time.
Quote of the Day“The Devil finds work for idle hands. It's all part-time clerical work, but the pay is kick-ass. The Devil is no longer hiring for assembly work.”-Ted's Big Book of Bible Fortune 500 CookieThis week you'll finally get that pot to piss in, but before you start unzipping, we should warn you it's second-hand. Turn on, tune in, and drop out—you've missed too many days in that computer programming class. Look for a bright-eyed Aries to take away all your troubles when she shoots you in the throat. Lucky scams this week: Pyramid, carnival ring toss, Florida voter roll purges, and it's okay, I had a vasectomy.Try again later. Top 5 commune Features This Week
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