07/1/25
Cat-proof since 2004
|  Cursesby Zanzibar McNally   March 31, 2003 I curse you with the spirit of Ralhallah, for charging me this late fee, Blockbuster. The one-eyed stare of Tulanjabi will seal the fate of thee, cock-buster. And you, over there, you Jiffy Lube: I reserve for you the Pains of Urdubaas for trying to sell me bullshit every time I turn around or scratch my ass. The Dripping Testicle of Mosumbanc… oh shit, that one's too good to spoil it. I think I'll save that for Citibank for calling while I'm on the toilet. The Yestrambrudi Oldamthan, which makes one's scrotum tender, I save for my cocksucking mailman. That should return his shit to sender. The Curse of Shazit Amanull is just what the doctor ordered for that bitch who dinged my car at work, or that tease who works at Borders. Swarms of locusts, flocks of bees and shitloads of ladybugs will rain down from the sky, and blot out the sun and gobble up Chico's drugs. Ha ha man, serves you right! For not bringing my Papa Roach tape back, fucker. The Curse of Ramram Jujufruits just kicked your ass right in the nuts, sucker. Snakes and rakes and all kinds of shit that you wouldn't want in your car will be in your car, along with mystical shit like some naked dude playing sitar. Don't believe me? Just try me, you infidel prick! Go ahead and eat that last praline. You won't be laughing when Oram Lalanic makes your man-tits swell up with saline. Curses! I just got salsa all over my pants! I look like I fucked a tomato! Toss me the bag, we'll see who made these damned chips… and begged for the Curse of Pantsato! Quote of the Day“Any man who serves as his own lawyer has a fool for a client. Because think about it, stupid, why you gonna pay some guy who didn't even go to law school? That's just dumb. And how do you pay yourself, anyway? Take your money out of one pocket and put it in the other? Silly. Or maybe you've got to hire a neutral third party to take the money and then hand it back to you, like a lawyer or somebody. Shit, this is gettin' expensive.”-Dred Scott Drummond Fortune 500 CookieYou're simply the best, and that depresses us all. The next time you're on trial for murder, don't forget to mention that a Klondike bar was involved. And if you must ask for a lawyer who can get you off, at least try not to do it with that smarmy leer in your eye. Try chewing your food an odd number of times this week, like 6,372. This week's lucky injuries: hangnail, hangankle, ruptured spleen, stabitosis.Try again later. Top Box Office
 Alphabet Soup Monday, March 17, 2003 Anemic anteaters from Azerbaijan bounce from brassieres and bark at batons. Cold-water codfish cause cramps in the colon of a dark-dimpled debutante named Deborah Dedolin. East of the egg factory, eyes can... (3/17/03) Scream, You Monkey Scream, you monkey like the wrath of all bananas was on your ass or like you just found out your Visa card was rejected. That's right, you ape with your little hat and jacket you thought you had it all figured out not so smug now, are... (3/3/03) The Walrus Said The time has come, the walrus said, to smoke a box of crack. Fucking walrus! Stay out of my drug box, and you're standing on my sack! Don't make me cook you in hot whale oil for absconding with my stash! Your constant questions ... (2/17/03)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.