04/4/25
One of Time Magazine's 50 Best Websites Under $1
|  Alphabet Soupby Skippy LeBonne   March 17, 2003 Monday, March 17, 2003
Anemic anteaters from Azerbaijan bounce from brassieres and bark at batons. Cold-water codfish cause cramps in the colon of a dark-dimpled debutante named Deborah Dedolin. East of the egg factory, eyes can enjoy fat-fingered Francophiles fasting in festive Flournoy. "Great!" gabbed the grouse-eating Gregory Gregross. "How homey, a heart heals in the hearths of hosts." Incredulous Incans inspect his inflection while judicious Japanese gents make joking suggestions. Kiss-kindling Kansans knit knives in a knot as laconic Laotians look lazy a lot. Merely making mention of meatloaf as he might Nicholas Nanewton needs news of the night: "Only obliging an orange or one oat… perhaps peas, persimmons, parsley? Please promote quietly, quaintly and quite quick the quality of radishes and rubarb and ruffled red roe! Salmon swim stateside and slip slightly slow through thoughts that trip toward the tip of my toe, underneath unusual ulcers until or unless venomous vitamins vent my vile stress." Wouldn't we want well-worded wishes which examine such exciting expository expertise on dishes? "Yes, young Yertle, yesterday you might. Yet zebras zipping zeppelins is too much. Goodnight." Quote of the Day“It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that's completely impossible by the laws of physics and laughable to every sane person.”-Mark Twaint Fortune 500 CookieThis is the week you finally snap. All those years spent strengthening your middle finger and thumb are really going to pay off big-time, playa. Try keeping your dehydrated mashed potato flakes and your dandruff collection in different-colored boxes this week, just in case that last date ever comes back. Oh, that autobiography you wrote in l33t? Yeah dude, nobody can read that shit. This week's lucky porn cameos: Jenna Jameson in the pilot of that awesome new Hoarders spin-off, Whoreders, Big Bird in Larry Bird: Big Bird, The Ghost of John Holmes in everything else you watch because you burnt that shit into your plasma, dumbass, and …wait, Ron Jeremy in your wedding video? WTF?Try again later. Top-Selling Music Substitutes
 Scream, You Monkey Scream, you monkey like the wrath of all bananas was on your ass or like you just found out your Visa card was rejected. That's right, you ape with your little hat and jacket you thought you had it all figured out not so smug now, are... (3/3/03) The Walrus Said The time has come, the walrus said, to smoke a box of crack. Fucking walrus! Stay out of my drug box, and you're standing on my sack! Don't make me cook you in hot whale oil for absconding with my stash! Your constant questions ... (2/17/03) The Truth About Ice Cubes I've heard ice cubes scream like unpleasant human beings when I dunk them into my drink. I'd say they're alive, don't you think? Formed in their trays like a nursery, living their lives brief and cursory, but is everything quite what it... (2/3/03)            |
Reproduction in hole or in parts without permission is likely to piss off her dad big time.