Alphabet Soup

by Skippy LeBonne

March 17, 2003

Monday, March 17, 2003

Anemic anteaters
from Azerbaijan
bounce from brassieres
and bark at batons.
Cold-water codfish cause
cramps in the colon of a
dark-dimpled debutante
named Deborah Dedolin.
East of the egg factory, eyes can enjoy
fat-fingered Francophiles
fasting in festive Flournoy.

"Great!" gabbed the grouse-eating Gregory Gregross.
"How homey, a heart heals in the hearths of hosts."
Incredulous Incans inspect his inflection while
judicious Japanese gents make joking suggestions.
Kiss-kindling Kansans knit knives in a knot as
laconic Laotians look lazy a lot.

Merely making mention of meatloaf as he might
Nicholas Nanewton needs news of the night:
"Only obliging an orange or one oatâ€¦
perhaps peas, persimmons, parsley? Please promote
quietly, quaintly and quite quick the quality of radishes and rubarb and ruffled red roe!
Salmon swim stateside and slip slightly slow
through thoughts that trip toward the tip of my toe,
underneath unusual ulcers until or unless
venomous vitamins vent my vile stress."

Wouldn't we want well-worded wishes which
examine such exciting expository expertise on dishes?
"Yes, young Yertle, yesterday you might. Yet
zebras zipping zeppelins is too much. Goodnight."

Milestones

1990: Red Bagel's dark vision of the future presented in lecture form at a local college predicts a war in Iraq, though he incorrectly predicts the date as 2002. Unlessâ€¦ well, we'll wait and see, won't we?

Now Hiring

Bartender. Mix all variety of drinks, serve beers with a quick smile and friendly expression. Listening a must, flipping bottles and spinning like in Cocktail a plus. Must know when to cut off Ramrod Hurleyâ€”immediatelyâ€”and when to cut off Red Bagelâ€”never, if you like your job.

Top 5 commune Features This Week

1.	Choosing the Most Out-of-Date Pictures for Your Personal Ad
2.	Go Blind and Improve Your Piano Playing
3.	Toe Nails: America's Newest Tax Write-Off
4.	Uncle Macho's Something Dead Stew
5.	Salad Days: Three Days, 34 Trips Back to the Bar

Scream, You Monkey
Scream, you monkey like the wrath of all bananas was on your ass or like you just found out your Visa card was rejected. That's right, you ape with your little hat and jacket you thought you had it all figured out not so smug now, are... (3/3/03)

The Walrus Said
The time has come, the walrus said, to smoke a box of crack. Fucking walrus! Stay out of my drug box, and you're standing on my sack! Don't make me cook you in hot whale oil for absconding with my stash! Your constant questions ... (2/17/03)

The Truth About Ice Cubes
I've heard ice cubes scream like unpleasant human beings when I dunk them into my drink. I'd say they're alive, don't you think? Formed in their trays like a nursery, living their lives brief and cursory, but is everything quite what it... (2/3/03)