Scream, You Monkey

Scream, you monkey
like the wrath of all
bananas was on your ass
or like you just found out
your Visa card was rejected.
That's right, you ape
with your little hat and jacket
you thought you had it all figured out
not so smug now, are you, Mr. Jitters?

I saw the best mimes of my generation destroyed
by a mulatto with a flame thrower
and a huge man-eating whale with rubber tires
oh my God he's coming!
I can hear his pant legs rub together
like the breathing of asthmatic Neanderthals.

The night is smoking
shitty women's cigarettes
and slithering like a turd
out of a toothpaste tube.
I can hear it squeaking
across my chalkboard downstairs.
That's right, I own a chalkboard,
what's it to you?

Crazy people decorate my windows
I crazyglued them up there
at first I tried staples
but staples don't stick to glass
they really should mention that on the box
so you don't waste six bucks
on a huge box of staples that are no help.

Women, ha!
What do you want to know about women?
I read a book on women once.
It was confusing.
But there were pictures.
Women look good in pictures.

The fog sits on the city
like a big smelly blanket
with a cigarette burn hole
which has a plane flying through it
and skyscrapers poke the blanket
like boners or something
and also fog is wet.

I once saw a shoe full of blood
like a cup of soup
—but weird—
I wondered who was wearing that shoe
and who was wearing that blood
like socks on their veins
only on the inside
like inside-out socks.
Or actually their veins are more like the socks
and the blood is like the feet
so it's kind of funny there was blood in the shoe like that.

I talked to a man with a golden head
totally made of gold
I'm not shitting you, gold
okay maybe I am shitting you
but it's a poem, get over it
anyway, his head was made of gold
and he told me wonderful things
but I forgot them all because
I was just thinking of how much I could sell his head for.

And then the sun came up
like a piece of toast
and I buttered the sun.
And the monkey screamed
because he was hungry.

The Walrus Said
The time has come, the walrus said, to smoke a box of crack. Fucking walrus! Stay out of my drug box, and you're standing on my sack! Don't make me cook you in hot whale oil for absconding with my stash! Your constant questions ... (2/17/03)

The Truth About Ice Cubes
I've heard ice cubes scream like unpleasant human beings when I dunk them into my drink. I'd say they're alive, don't you think? Formed in their trays like a nursery, living their lives brief and cursory, but is everything quite what it... (2/3/03)

Frombnabula 7
Orange crush skies crush down upon Frombnabula 7 and the space crew thereon: Phinneas Wilbur, the captain of late, and Gumfrey McDumfrey, his faithful first mate, and Rooter, and Bramble, and John-Boy Perdue and six other guys ... (1/20/03)