Attack of the Crazy Violence Women

Looks like we're about ready to find out if Iraq has the chemical cojones or what, using the only reliable means at our disposal: bombing the shit out of them. If we start dropping the bombs and there's chemical shit flying everywhere, then the jig is up, Iraq! Nice try, but it's tough to fool the country that's got the bomb button. You saw what happened in Waco the last time some assholes tried to wait out the US of A. That's right, fried assholes.

Europe may want to pussyfoot around the issue, sending in school marms to peek under mattresses and all that, looking for chemical warheads and contraband magazines in all the dark corners of Iraq. But they need to wake up and smell the napalm. WE HAVE BOMBS. What the hell's wrong with you guys? I suppose if you catch a murderer you wait for him to confess before you start shooting out kneecaps? No wonder World War II took so long.

I may be in the minority on this one, but I don't see the problem with North Korea having nukes. So those weird little fuckers want to cook a pot pie in under three minutes and have it come out all rubbery? Let 'em have it! I say we've kept that popcorn popping technology to ourselves for too long.

A recent episode of The Twilight Zone has suggested that the Columbia disaster might have been caused by a fuzzy moon man on the wing of the shuttle. I have only one thing to say about that.

Moon men? Jesus fucking MOON MEN creeping into our bedrooms at night? Talk about a sheet-shitting surprise! I won't have it! I lock the door to you, moon men. Twist that knob with all your might, unless you possess special moon strength it's just going to turn a little bit and then stop. Foiled again, aha! Go cry it off in your sad little moon caves, you bastards.

I read recently that Dolly Parton died. And I say it's about time. Call me cruel if you fancy insulting folks you've never met, but according to me cloning just goes against God's plan. If God wanted there to be cloning, then everybody would be the same. Like Germans! I know, they said she was just a sheep, but she didn't look like no sheep I'd ever met. Though if she was I guess that explains why some people fuck sheep.

Speaking of such, looks like they're gonna put that lady to death who was beatin' up on her little kid in the surveillance footage. I for one think this is a bit harsh, since she is pretty hot after all. With any luck she'll do one of those nude pictorials before they give her the chair, some kind of bondage thing in a giant novelty car seat. That's all America really wants. As for the punishment, I think they should let the kids decide. They'll probably vote for some kind of Double Dare slime-based punishment, which is a good deal more humane than our system.

And speaking on the topic of crazy violent women, looks like that husband-runner-over woman from Texas was guilty too. Which just further underscores the point I've been making for years, that women shouldn't be allowed to drive. It's the simple matter of learning the proper use of an automobile, ladies. Cars are for driving to the store to buy rat poison to put in your adulterating husband's bran muffins, not for running him over in front of a motel. You can seriously screw up a car's alignment that way.