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09/25/26   
3 days since a work-related accident

The Walrus Said

by Chase Spergen
bio/email
February 17, 2003
The time has come,
the walrus said,
to smoke a box of crack.

Fucking walrus!
Stay out of my drug box,
and you're standing on my sack!

Don't make me cook you
in hot whale oil
for absconding with my stash!

Your constant questions
and oblique riddles
are giving me a rash!

The time has come,
the walrus said,
to eat some more grilled cheese.

Fuck you walrus!
You ate all my red hots!
Now get out of the refrigerator please!

You weren't invited!
You are not wanted!
Just take a hint and leave!

And don't think I can't
see you over there,
blowing your nose on my sleeve!

The time has come,
the walrus said,
to watch Cannonball Run 2.

We just watched that!
You must be joking!
I cannot believe you!

Get out of my apartment,
you fucking moocher!
I've really had enough!

And don't forget
your sleeping bag
that smells like ocean stuff!

Get the fuck out!
Flop toward the door!
Take your big teeth and leave!

I'm serious,
that fishy stench
is enough to make me heave!

The time has come
the walrus said,
to prank call Emilio Estavez.

Goddamn you walrus!
Didn't you hear
a single word I said?

I said to go!
I said to split!
I sai- Now hold up, son.

On second thought,
toss me the phone.
That sounds kind of fun.


Quote of the Day
“I have not yet begun to fight! When I have begun, it will look quite different. Fists will be flying about, and you will hear a high-pitched whistling sort of sound that will actually be a scream. In fact—I'll make a little hand gesture to let you know. When you see that, that will let you know I'm fighting.”

-John Paul Jones Ringo
Fortune 500 Cookie
That tumor-sized growth isn't what you thought, but it could mean big money, so don't despair. One homosexual dream doesn't make you gay, but try one more. What are you in the mood for tonight? Roasted chicken, with sautéed potatoes. Eat less fiber, what the hell. Lucky numbers 10, 10, 34, 10, and 194.


Try again later.
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