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05/2/26   
Time flies when you're timing flies

The Walrus Said

by Chase Spergen
bio/email
February 17, 2003
The time has come,
the walrus said,
to smoke a box of crack.

Fucking walrus!
Stay out of my drug box,
and you're standing on my sack!

Don't make me cook you
in hot whale oil
for absconding with my stash!

Your constant questions
and oblique riddles
are giving me a rash!

The time has come,
the walrus said,
to eat some more grilled cheese.

Fuck you walrus!
You ate all my red hots!
Now get out of the refrigerator please!

You weren't invited!
You are not wanted!
Just take a hint and leave!

And don't think I can't
see you over there,
blowing your nose on my sleeve!

The time has come,
the walrus said,
to watch Cannonball Run 2.

We just watched that!
You must be joking!
I cannot believe you!

Get out of my apartment,
you fucking moocher!
I've really had enough!

And don't forget
your sleeping bag
that smells like ocean stuff!

Get the fuck out!
Flop toward the door!
Take your big teeth and leave!

I'm serious,
that fishy stench
is enough to make me heave!

The time has come
the walrus said,
to prank call Emilio Estavez.

Goddamn you walrus!
Didn't you hear
a single word I said?

I said to go!
I said to split!
I sai- Now hold up, son.

On second thought,
toss me the phone.
That sounds kind of fun.


Quote of the Day
“It is a wise man who makes a career of providing quotes, for the dollar-to-word ratio is fantastic. Eat your heart out, novelists.”

-Beenjammin Lynn-Frank
Fortune 500 Cookie
You! In the yellow shirt! You’re going to have an awful week. Move along now. This is the dawning of the Age of Aquarius, but your lifetime ban from the municipal aquarium still applies. Those repressed childhood memories you’ve been having about animal abuse and a shady-looking construction site? That was Donkey Kong. Try eating something with at least 17 letters in it this week: mailboxes and Alpha-Bits don’t count. Your lucky dong accessories: ornaments, jingle bells, argyle cock sock, festive wreath, racing stripe, spare donut.



Try again later.
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1.Whoopsh!: Outtakes From the Drinking Videos
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3.All-nude Batwatch starring some girls from the escort service
4.Intense argument with his car over who is the real star of Knight Rider
5.Imaginary non-German music awards show where Hasselhoff sweeps every category
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