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02/24/26   
Terrifyingly adequate

The Walrus Said

by Chase Spergen
bio/email
February 17, 2003
The time has come,
the walrus said,
to smoke a box of crack.

Fucking walrus!
Stay out of my drug box,
and you're standing on my sack!

Don't make me cook you
in hot whale oil
for absconding with my stash!

Your constant questions
and oblique riddles
are giving me a rash!

The time has come,
the walrus said,
to eat some more grilled cheese.

Fuck you walrus!
You ate all my red hots!
Now get out of the refrigerator please!

You weren't invited!
You are not wanted!
Just take a hint and leave!

And don't think I can't
see you over there,
blowing your nose on my sleeve!

The time has come,
the walrus said,
to watch Cannonball Run 2.

We just watched that!
You must be joking!
I cannot believe you!

Get out of my apartment,
you fucking moocher!
I've really had enough!

And don't forget
your sleeping bag
that smells like ocean stuff!

Get the fuck out!
Flop toward the door!
Take your big teeth and leave!

I'm serious,
that fishy stench
is enough to make me heave!

The time has come
the walrus said,
to prank call Emilio Estavez.

Goddamn you walrus!
Didn't you hear
a single word I said?

I said to go!
I said to split!
I sai- Now hold up, son.

On second thought,
toss me the phone.
That sounds kind of fun.


Quote of the Day
“Impartiality is a pompous name for indifference, which is an elegant name for Cletus, my inbred asscrack of a neighbor about whom I am far from indifferent.”

-CK Festerchild
Fortune 500 Cookie
You wir find gleat rove in an ord flend. That's not an accented translation; you just have a really weird fortune this week. It's time to face the facts, or at least the facts of life: even if you manage to get that face you drew on your hand pregnant, it's just going to be one more mouth to feed. This week's lucky ringtones: Hangin' Tough, Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm, Two Princes, Kokomo.


Try again later.
Top Nicknames for Each Toe
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5.Mr. Overrated
6.King Shit
7.Toe Ain't So Big
8.Jam Salad
9.Steve McQueen in The Great Escape
10.Phantom Itch
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