The Truth About Ice Cubes

by Dr. Malcolm Zooter

February 3, 2003

I've heard ice cubes scream
like unpleasant human beings
when I dunk them into my drink.
I'd say they're alive, don't you think?

Formed in their trays like a nursery,
living their lives brief and cursory,
but is everything quite what it seems?
What do they dream in their cold, frozen dreams?

What could they teach us,
if we were to listen,
mesmerized by the glean of their glisten?
Subtly speaking with clicks on my tumblerâ€¦
Speak up! I think this one's a mumbler.

The world's murky secrets revealed
in the cold, cubic truths they concealâ€¦
This one knows why they shot Kennedy!
Oh shit, he melted in my grenadine!

Well this one won't look so glib
once he's floating in my warm Mr. Pibb.
I think he'll gladly spill his guts
in answer to my who's, when's and what's.

Yes, the truth now is growing far clearer
than the ice cube I nailed to my mirror.
The old, funky ones that smell like fish sticks
are clearly the wise ice cube mystics.

They tell me ice cubes form from the ether
when ideas slow down for a breather
and are trapped into cubes as they're frozen,
until for a beverage they're chosen.

They they're passed on to the drinker,
who promptly then becomes the thinker
of this now liberated idea
(about a new haircut or a pet made of chia)!

So if you see me chomping ice cubes en mass
or you notice no liquid in my glass,
don't think that my brain's gone on disconnect.
I'm just eating my way to great intellect.

Milestones

2002: Poet Violet Tiara turns 16 and is a little disappointed by her gift of a Saturn when she had been hoping for a hammock of moonbeams or a tumor full of love.

Now Hiring

Director of Office Security. Traditional ideas of increasing manpower and investigating odd events not necessary. Must be able to design colorful charts and randomly pick levels of security intensity.

Top 5 Things Heard on Election Night

1.	"Now keep in mind, with only 2% of the precincts reporting, it could go either way. But it certainly looks good for Mr. Nader at the moment."
2.	"What the fuck is that blue one? Vermont?"
3.	"The polls have just closed, and thank God, the bars are just openingâ€¦"
4.	"I can't believe thisâ€”even Wyoming has an electoral vote."
5.	"This is not happeningâ€¦ this is not happeningâ€¦."

Frombnabula 7
Orange crush skies crush down upon Frombnabula 7 and the space crew thereon: Phinneas Wilbur, the captain of late, and Gumfrey McDumfrey, his faithful first mate, and Rooter, and Bramble, and John-Boy Perdue and six other guys ... (1/20/03)

Tits are in the Eye of the Beholder
I think that I shall never pass a poem as lovely as an ass or a verse that weighs as heavy as a buck-naked supermodel straddling a Chevy How could course words ever capture the heaven of the classic Maxim issue #7? No match has a poet's mind... (1/6/03)

Lunch Money
Listen up, Billy Olson I'm a drink you up like Molson make you sing like a fat Al Jolson grab your tits and milk 'em both, son. 'Cause you messed with the best I confess it's no test I am the real thing you will know the hurt I bring ... (12/23/02)